Lucas Lagwalker

Back From the Dead (cont.)

2006-03-01T03:30:00.000-05:00

So anyways I am currently on a hiatus from the blogging community. You know what they say about the brighter the light burns... the faster it goes out. Also on hiatus, unfortunately, is Project Zed Word, although I feel it might just be resting for the time being until my next entry (sounds nice!). But since I am such the fan of film. I am going to emulate it by releasing a trailer of sorts... Maybe we could say... DEMO...? -all rights reserved. Although it makes no sense whatsoever right now, there are certain options blocked off. Just think of it as being in the full retail version (most are already written). Enjoy...

So what's new?

Well I have been extremely busy with work so I haven't had time to divulge into the extensions of the internet (blogs, etc.). Yes for some time now. That and I've been going out more! It's so fun being social! I've been getting some very receptive feedback on my hair, although now it's becoming a nuisance. So what else...? I got my tax refund and I am not even going to get into the whole government thing... What'd I buy? An Ipod Nano. It's pretty cool and compliments my xbox360 quite nicely. I've actually started to listen to podcasts. Damn it's weird but essentially they are audio "blogs" that are distributed everytime there is one made by subscription. There are podcasts from companies such as GQ even. It's quite odd. These "Oodcasts" are also made by normal people. Yes I understand that the term normal is subject to many misinterpretations. I've tried to find several decent podcasts by searching with words such as: zombie, ninja, pirate, robot, shark, homo, sapiens, videogames, Halo 2, sports, NBA, goats, football, STEELERS (SB champs BABY!), Pittsburgh, Al Queda, hot girls, horror, films, poop-sex, movie, Pearl Jam (NEW ALBUM MAY 2 BITCHES!), The Beatles, HIM, interracial gangbang, and kittens. Damn I've found some seriously cool ones. It's like people just shoot the shit "on air" about shit that I am soooo interested in. The Halo 2 podcast, Podtacular, is a real treat. Besides talking about strategies, they talk shit on people who use the noob combo, although blatantly admitting use themselves, talk about funny moments, and of course my geek favorite... speculation on Halo 3... But seriously, it's like anyone can make podcasts. Think of the possibilities.....

...WOW!

So is there more?

Yea I started drawing again... It kills me that I can't draw photo realistic pictures. I am actually impressed with a few that I have done. I have about 4 so far and I am really happy with the hand (+fingers) (pain in the ass to draw). Maybe I'll share. I've been having several ideas swarming around... I've also obtained Fight Night Round 3 which is amazing. It's funny how the graphics really make the game better. It does extremely well with no HUD. More games need to negate the HUD, it really ups the ante on realism. Some games would not benefit probably. And while we are on the subject of games... I am anticipating the new Ghost Recon immensely. I haven't felt this kind of anticipation since the first time I knew I was going to lose my virginity... I'm serious. HAha. Last videogame bit? I love these new Nintendo products, but come on out with the new Zelda already! What if they pack it in with the Revolution... SCHWING!

So anyways maybe I'll swing back around in a couple days. No promises!...

For the Fans at Home!

(you see what happens when you google "zombie weiners")

Keepin' the Streak Alive...

2006-02-28T23:59:00.000-05:00

I just realized today that it's the last day of Febuary and I didn't post the whole month... So without anymore hesitation...

Project Zed Word

2006-01-27T20:36:00.000-05:00

Project Zed Word is officially underway now. I've already spent several hours on it and after it's done it's going to be fabulous. A little gift for all my readers. What is it? I don't want to ruin the surprise. Let's just say that if I had a larger vocabulary it would be lovely... Give me a couple days or a week even... I don't think it's for the faint of heart...

Bettis Goes Back to Detroit!

2006-01-25T13:11:00.000-05:00

In case you didn't know, STEELERS GOIN' TO SUPERBOWL 40 BITCH! As well as becoming "braggable" on Halo 2, it's just awesome. We beat the Broncos and now we want it all. We got so much to prove and Bettis is in his hometown, in his final game, in the biggest game of his career. Just give it to the man, he's such an icon for the Steelers as well as the Steel City. Bill Cowher said that Steelers will wear their AWAY WHITE unis!!! I can't wait. I'm not saying that the Seahawks are no contest, but what I am saying is that people who don't watch Steeler football don't understand what we do. Especially with how well we have been playing. We've won the last 7 (5 away games). We will shut the run down, which we traditionally do, then when we blitz it's going to shut the Hasselbeck down. Are offense will do just fine... I was watching the press conference after the AFC championship game (worked during the game), and listening to Bill Cowher talk and it's fate. We are determined and we got this...

BTW: Pittsburgh would make a bad-ass Gotham City...

I Hate You Hockey,... but I Respekt you...

2006-01-25T12:24:00.000-05:00

Damn! I hate hockey... It's just gay (poor terminology). Everthing from the rules to the uniforms to the logos to the mullets, who may seem quite squandered through popular contemporary fashion styles, but ever so present still the the NHL. They skate around on skates and look like garbage cans... I HATE IT!!! ARGH!!!... But what's this?!?!?

THEY ALLOW FIGHTING!!! Usually when you see someone about to receive an asswhooping in public, you see someone stop it, cops come, possibly ambulances, fines, etc, etc, etc... But in hockey, the refs just sit there and watch. But they aren't the only ones that watch... So do the fans in the stans (the d is strategically removed, how clever!), the viewers from home, your family, friends, and acquaintances even. So do yourself a favor and don't get your asswhooped. It's like a public schlocking! And usually when someone would spend AT LEAST a night in jail, this just leads to a minute in the penalty box.

FYI: My favorite player in hockey is Miroslav Satan.

Disclaimer: I have no idea how this picture is related to the hockey player Miroslav Satan as it is not he. That being said, it appears this young man , who seems like he's done a little headbanging in his "day", is giving up the sign for "death-metal" while straddling some sort of bench contraption, which is infact at least three stacked benches, with a generic HI-8 video camera mounted on a make-shift, half-assed, duct-taped infused mount made of cardboard boxes bringing it to chest level. He seems to be outside in a courtyard or some other sort of pavemented ground with a "western" style neighborhood in the back (maybe 20 yards). The kicker? The camera's plugged in... GO SATAN!!!

Steel City Gangstas

2006-01-17T19:16:00.000-05:00

Well we did it, 21-18. The score is somewhat of a farce however as WE WHOOPED THEIR ASS! Although they did come back (with the help of several HORRIBLE calls). But the last 2 min. was the real nailbiter. One man in Pittsburgh had a heart attack even because of the events that transpired. I'm not going to even go into the details because this was no doubt the best game of the year, and that's even if you aren't a Steeler fan. Bettis fumbles on the goalline with less than 2 min. left, and Big Ben came through with the tackle that saved the season. Although Ben got turned "inside out" he made the tackle... amazing... Next week is going to be rough but we got it...

Past: Colts fans eagerly awaiting the ass-kicking...

DA tackle

"LACES OUT DAN MARINO!"

Is he skipping?... I think so...

Back From the Dead...

2006-01-17T18:39:00.000-05:00

Finally after a week hiatus, I return. What have I learned? That being hungover for an entire weekend is not fun, neither is working non-stop while having literally 30 min. of sleep each night. That the Steelers kick ass (more on that later), and that Halo 2 does in fact run horrible on the 360... Plus I took a break from blogging in general, not even reading my constituents' blogs (SORRY!), but hopefully I am back. Maybe I'll even have a few cool (if you can call it that) posts that might just tickle your fancy...

Twerked...

2006-01-11T23:39:00.000-05:00

Lik-Sang claims that news on the redesigned Nintendo DS is coming out on Jan. 16th. Another rumor from another less than credible site declares that the revamped DS may have additional features, such as VoIP features and a cell phone-esque design. Sounds interesting...

8-BIT

2006-01-10T00:05:00.000-05:00

1.) Hostel came out and it earned 20 mil. in it's first weekend. That's roughly 4x the budget and I read that Eli Roth and Q.T. were going for this. I've read a little online without trying to spoil anything but everyone says that it is gory and disgusting and very explicit. This might be the next iconic horror film so of course I have to see it (although I miss so many movies)... I'm trying to see it with BT, but of course, as always, he (and his constituents) are bullshitting! BloodRayne, on the other hand... not so hot. Damn Uwe Boll and his horrible videogame movies. First of all, BloodRaybe isn't even hot like she is in the game...

2.) No PS3 at CES. They didn't even mention it and there are some bad things being said. Rumors are popping up that it might be delayed. Some developers aren't to enthusiastic about it either. Not that I'm saying 360 is better, but it seems that the hype is crumbling...

3.) Bill Gates is the man. He has his hands dipped in all types of big businesses and does whatever he wants. His operating system (consoles) is (are) spotty and he can still talk shit. In an interview over Engadget.com, in regards to Apple teaming up with intel, and possibly going head to head with Windows OS:

So you don't worry about Apple opening things up so an OEM like Sony could offer OS X?

GATES: Well, the last time Apple went out and licensed their operating system to people they changed their minds and they bankrupted all the people who had been involved in that, and I don't know if we'll see another round of Apple tantalizing people with that or not.

Mac got served...

4.) For the 360 there is a zombie game coming out. It's called Dead Rising and it's made by the gods at Capcom... but it's going to suck. There are legions (think: hundreds) of zombies on-screen at a time and you can take pictures and use anything as a weapon (cash register). It looks kinda cool if not repetitious and I think unfortunately it's going to be quite stale. Why can't they do it right?

5.) I recently played some old school Halo 2 on $m@ck's Xbox. I sure do miss the nights playing with several friends competing in team objective games... I think my ties were cut when I gazed upon the utter upsurdity of software emulation. And although I bash the 360, I love it!

6.) Radar, Creepster, and I discussed the absolutely horrendous box-arts of PC video cards. I mean a couple years ago they were nas-T. What were the "artists" thinking?

7.) Square-Enix is bringing a remake of it's cult favorite Valkyrie Profile to the PSP. Although I never played the original PSone version due to being late the the PSone life cycle, I would really look forward to playing this, after I get a PSP... again...

8.) Infinity Ward announced today that they are working on a patch for Call of Duty 2 on the 360. The patch mainly will focus on the lag that plagues the online portion of the game... WTF about a lobby?!?

Loved... and Lost...

2006-01-09T17:16:00.000-05:00

When I was in my larval stage, I had quite an obsession. It was more hardcore than that Pokemon bullshit... They were THE TRANSFORMERS!... I loved the TRANSFORMERS! Everyone I talked to was a G. I. Joe (typical/propaganda) kid. I, however was not... Transformers may be the cause of my robot/love fetish that I have been trying to suppress subconsciously. There was so much cool shit going on it was like sensory overload everytime I watched the show. But somehow when I played with the toys I could totally recreate shit... like scenes. There was the series which fuckin' rocked. The characters were fucking sweet and MegaTron was a gun... a fucking gun... Who was the bonehead that designed that for kids... back in what? '85? I loved it back then... Then there was the movie where the ultracool Rodimus Prime (as Ultra Magnus) says "damn". That's a shocker when every cartoon you watch has none of the words you aren't allowed to say and then someones goes and does that. That's like James Dean type shit. Ahhh... Transformers was before the videogames. I had a decent amount. Kind of like a shared collection (w/ Badlogik of course) with each of us having a few "exclusives". I remember Shank having the whole fortress transforming thing. It was really impressive in the fact that it was the largest, most complex of it's time. I mean come on... it was like a complex, and you could transform EVERYTHING. And there lies the fundamentally awesome attraction of these damned robots, there is more interactivity than with those homoerotic G. I. Joe characters. There were (*cough* for me *cough*) little "minigames" like the classic "Transform" Ho-down. It was a race to see who could transform the fastest to avoid total obliviation from the other "player"... HAHAH!...

...So anyways, my passionate love for these technologically inferior robots ending right around the time I got my NintendoEntertainmentSystem. I had previous systems before the NES, and although I remember them, I don't have any memoriable moments. So I guess while I was away life went on the the ill fated Transformers... I remember seeing them come back up with the "BEAST Wars" series (which looked disgusting). Then I've seen a few iterations since. My question is: "Why is it so god-damned horrible?" So after an intense early obsession in the mid '80's, should I just purge it from my memories and cut the losses now that it is bastardized? There IS a "2nd Gen" something or another... comic or something.?.?, and allegedly a movie slated for 2007 (live-action?). I'm about to say just fuck it... And now finally... it being 2006, and the original Transformers: The Movie takes place in 2005... It takes place in the past...

Doin' Dirt

2006-01-08T19:41:00.000-05:00

Wasn't really a contest. 31-17, and Cincy totally lost all their moral after the first quarter. Kind of a cheap win with Carson Palmer being out but we still played pretty good. Things are looking better than ever for Pittsburgh. The test is next week... at Indy.

Here we go...
Steelers...
... here we go.
Here we go...
Steelers...
... here we go.

Masters of Horror: Fairhaired Child

2006-01-07T23:29:00.000-05:00

Episode 9:
Fairhaired Child by William Malone (Feardotcom, made the Michael Myers mask)
A 13 yr. old girl gets kidnapped one day after school by a very bizarre couple. She later gets locked into their basement with a young boy who is later revealed to be the odd couples' son. From there it takes off into an unpredictable, yet totally sweet story of a series of events that happened in the past... It's one of the better episodes and without me saying anything else... if you watch this show, check it out. Need more details?... Sounds kind of vague?... Sorry I can't... It's good... and creepy.

9/10

Finalized: Dead or Alive 4

2006-01-06T12:58:00.000-05:00

Wow. Never before has a game been so robust. The game comes bearing a nice firm set of features... But seriously this game is designed very well.

Although I've never had/played a previous DoA, I have heard it was one of the least complicated fighters. That isn't the case as you can win against button-mashing. The presentation is the Team Ninja style (which is awesome) and the set of features is impressive. Obviously there is a Story Mode which upon completion unlocks TEAM NINJA MOVIES!!! The story is very vague and the endings are all VERY FUNNY (except the bad-ass action endings). Other of the "staple" modes include Vs., Time Attack, Survival (which shows where you rank against the world on LIVE) and a couple "special" modes. Being that DoA is partially so popular because of the voyeuristic properties, the game also features a picture taking mode that in turn has many options for the camera. The roster includes roughly 20 playable characters which range from Ryu Hayabusa (Ninja Gaiden) to a female Spartan. There's a handful of others and... oh yea... THE DOA GIRLS. I hate to say it being that it's a video game and all but they are fuckin' hot! The nice thing is everyone has different costumes with some fighters having as many as 7.

The fighters look a little better than their Xbox predecessors so I hear, but the textures are very nice, but the environments are spectacular. The water looks very nice and the sand moves with your footsteps... it's a cool effect. The effects going on at all times are also nice. This game is easy on the eyes... All the characters speak only Japanese which was expected the music is heavy rock and probably passable (I stream) and the sound effects are very satisfying. The fighting was very difficult at first, but you HAVE to block and often. Also it helps to think about what your going to do way before you do it. There is plenty strategy in this fighter and I didn't expect it. It's one of the first fighters where the landscape totally changes your playing habits. Overall it's solid. There are excessive amounts of moves for all the fighters, the fighting is in depth, and it's gorgeous.

...Then there is the online. Once online, the lobby room is... bizarre. There are several themes like Halloween for instance and everyone has their own little avatar (which you buy in the shop) who can wear accessories (also from the shop) and you chat and watch a big screen tv (which you can also upgrade in the shop)... you see wear this is going? You just run around (literally) in the creepingly odd lobbies performing numerous taunts until you want to play. Then you run to the middle of the room and speak to the "virtual host" and begin. Once playing it's usually lag free. I've noticed hiccups but the game smooths them over nicely. There is a World Ranking so you see where you stand and I guess you can challange those people or just spectate.

So how does it stack up against the rest of the fighters. Well it's very good, has style and is the only other must buy in the "launch window" (damn conniving Microsoft terminology!).

Video: 9.5
Very solid. 60 frames, awesome style, nice effects, I could go on. Defintely the best use of girls on the 360.

Audio: 8.5
Announcer isn't annoying the music is hard rock (Itagaki-style), and the Helena ending features Aerosmith... yes... Aerosmith. The hits sound sweet and the sound effects are effective.

Production: 10
All the bases are covered. Everything from the various modes to the movie gallery and photo album (of the pictures you take). More than enough fighters, awesome levels, style style style, and ninjas... SCHWING!

Playability: 9.5
The learning curve is steep but if you're mustard you can kick ass... and take names. If you're bored you can play online against humans opponent or you can fuck around with anything in the game... Alot of shit to do...

Overall: 9
You fall into one of two categories... You love amazingly deep and stylistic fighters... or you love girls...

Multiplayer: 9
Weird lobby system which isn't necessarily bad, switches things up and gives you a customizable avatar. A little lag in some of the matches but nothing to complaing about. Solid.

A Word with J: If you are willing to get past the initial difficulties with this game, you will find that it's very rewarding (with extras) and is really a step forward for fighting games in general. Use the girls to sucker you in for some playing time. You can pull of some seriously sick moves and the games features ninjas... I repeat... ninjas...

FYI: TOP FIVE (in this order)

La Mariposa
Lei Fang
Ayane
Kasumi
Christie
Elliot (everybody initially thinks it's a girl by the pic.)

He Puts the MAN in HUMAN...

2006-01-06T01:59:00.000-05:00

If someone asked me who my favorite comedian is it is without a doubt Adam Carolla. People may call me crazy but I love what he does on "The Man Show" and on "LoveLine". His sense of comedy is in sync with mine. The things he says are spontaneous and ingenius. There is this one skit where he plans to tell his mom that he isn't her little boy anymore and that he is now a man and he tries to bang his mom (and succeeds). It's just fucking disgusting but it's so wrong it's hilarious. It ends with him french kissing his mom. It's nasty. But besides that he always has something funny to insert. Plus he was born in Philly, he advocates the use of herbs, and he's an atheist. That just proves he's the man...

I always did like a good story!

FYI: Other AMAZING comedians/actors include:

Chris Rock
Larry David
Sacha Baron Cohen
Jim Carrey
The Wayans
John Candy
Cedric the Entertainer
Bill Murray
Steve Martin
Will Ferrell
Steve Carell
too many others...

Blows for Blows...

2006-01-06T01:07:00.000-05:00

I can't get over how good this Fight Night round 3 demo is... The announcer is the only thing that is bothersome, but I think that's just the demo. I played the last one a decent amount of times and I liked it... alot. Ooo... before the matches, the girls... Let's just say they were faithful recreated. But I wasn't ready for the new iteration. The boxers look real. And I know what you're saying, "No, they don't.", but YES THEY DO! I just played like 15 matches in a row, as "B. Hop" and I can't get over how good it is. I'm all shits and giggles when I play it. It's pretty realistic, it's pretty well put together, damn... it's pretty. Enough hype...

BTW: I'm not saying I'm going to buy it (plus it doesn't come out for some time), rather that it is a very nice "pick up and play".

BTW#2: I got my "Play and Charge Kit" in the mail today... It's weird. It's not that it doesn't work because it definitely does... It's just weird.

Finalized: Call of Duty 2

2006-01-05T09:00:00.000-05:00

World War II games are so rehashed... Can a game even offer something that hasn't been offered before?

Sort of... Call of Duty 2 offers a similar but more intense set of instances during a Russian, British (in Egypt), and an American campaign. Each of the campaigns include totally different weapon sets, various locales, and different missions. So what's the story about?... Well... it's WWII. Nazis have plan of global domination, you stop them. That's it. It's ok though, as this title is more about an interactive history lesson or to describe it better... an interactive Saving Private Ryan. During the Russian missions, you control some no name, whom is in training when he is hastily thrown into action. Along with Russian weapons, you are treated to snowy and frigid Moscow and you defend different territories as well as reclaim some spots taken by the Germans. While in the British campaign, you traverse through northern Africa and it's battlefield among the sand. And finally with the Americans you get to use the trusty Thompson through D-Day and have to push your way through western Europe. Despite having absolute no story (although having many Military Channel clips), the game places you in some of the most intense WWII battle scenes that you have probably ever seen. The pressure remains fierce with a sense of "exhaustion" upon completion. You should expect around 10 hours of totally bad-ass firefights.

This game relies heavily on realism. Except for the damage system (more on that later), the game uses some nice touches here and there towards realism. The guns look real, especially the rough metal when you look down the sights. The enemies look very nice, with some fluid animations not to mention some brilliant A.I. Your squadmates (all given real names) move without direction but also know what to do when certain situations arise. The squadmates A.I. is solid and they pull off some true strategic maneuvers on their own, which is cool. Do they get all the kills you ask? Trust me, there are plenty of Nazis to kill. There is easily 30-40 Nazis in some situations and if you are decent, you're getting 80% of the kills. Plus your little friends are very expendable if you don't help them when they ask for it (when they get pinned down). The life system is identical to Halo 2 although you can't see your "shield" meter. There is the use of some vehicles, which is refreshing but most of the action is on foot. The graphics remain some of the best on the new system with polygons looking less apparent, sharp textures and an godly framerate that never "breaks under pressure". The environments are expansive and really capture their respective "motifs" very accurately. The sound effects are energetic with some moody music seemlessly blending the action together. Guns sound right, people scream for help right, and the foreign languages sound spot-on (from a "outsiders" perspective). All in all, this game offers everything you could want in a game... except for a story.

Multiplayer is also an incredible experience, except for the funky "lobby" system (if you can even call it that) and the weird, occasional lag. The odd thing with the lag is that it is spotty and not all games fall victim. But it's bad... bad enough for the score to be altered... The lack of a lobby system hurts also. In fact the lobby is a "room" where you get randomly inserted with other random players and it happens so quickly it is next to impossible to have people off your friends list join. It's a fucking headache... But when the game plays like it should it is totally top notch with the perfect amount of action. It reminds me of a WWII Counter-Strike. The weapons and levels are all cool, the gametypes (DM, TDM, CTF, Headquarters [weird but very entertaining King of the Hill], and DEM.) are all intense and the objective based gametypes work very well. With split-screen, the framerate remains at the much sought after 60 fps and that makes me very happy. One disappointment I had with this game was no co-op. Although I know it wasn't in the cards when they made it, it seems that this game still begs for co-op play. And finally the last complaint with MP, no split-screen LIVE support... damn...

With the crap that's on the 360, this game is a no brainer. Also with the PC version I'm sure it's solid as well and probably with a better MP experience (more than 8 players for one...).

Video: 9.5
Next-Gen! Massively huge amounts of characters on-screen, nice texture work, large areas, smooth framerate, nice effects (especially the smoke). Me happy...

Audio: 9
All the sounds from the gunfire to the music help to merge the experience into something that is realistic and believable. Teammates shoot off very nice comments and the acting is credible.

Production: 8
Picks up where Saving Private Ryan left off (no, not literally you twit). Everything looks clean, loads fast as hell, and it's put together well. Almost the killer app if it wasn't for the craptastic MP integration but the MP is still very playable...

Playability: 8
After you beat it, there really isn't much to bring you back, except for the multiplayer that feels good, except for when it acts like an asshole with all it's stupid glitches... asshole... That being said, I am now trying to complete the game on Veteran (hardest difficulty) so I can get some Achievements for my 360 profile...

Overall: 8.5
Awesome overall package that technically exceeds with an awesome campaign that is hindered by the half-assed implementation of the online portion, which can still be extremely entertaining, although it can be annoying sometimes.

Multiplayer: 7
This is a tough one... The multiplayer could easily be very solid and not as big of a pain in the ass if Infinity Ward would just release a patch. A patch could easily push the score to AT LEAST 9.

A Final Word with J: In a time such as this launch, this game offers an experience more solid/fun than the rest... If you own a 360 this should already be in your roster. Don't be too put off by the MP because even with it's glaring flaws, it's worth the hassle to play online... It's that good. The campaign mode is what "seals the deal", and really is worth the price of admission (well... maybe if the game was $50).

"Men!, 50 of you are storming the beaches...

...45 of you ain't comin' back!"

Downloadable Goodies...

2006-01-05T02:18:00.000-05:00

... for the 360. The amazing Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved was downloaded long ago and even in it's demo form, I get massive playtime out of it. I really need to just shell out the 5 dollars to get it. There are massive amounts of old games you can download from the Xbox LIVE Marketplace. Joust, Gauntlet (original), and Smash T.V. all come to mind but there are many others. With the Marketplace you can also d'load 3 or 4 360 game demos with the most recent (as in just released a few hours ago) being EA Sports FIGHT NIGHT Round 3... IT'S AMAZING! IT IS THE MOST REALISTIC GAME I HAVE EVER SEEN! I JUST PLAYED THE DEMO AND IT WAS FANTASTIC. I will be playing this demo for a long time...

INGAME! I SWEAR!

UPDATE: After playing 10 or so matches (as B. Hop [Bernard Hopkins]) I can say that I'm looking forward to this game. Too bad it won't be coming out anytime soon...

Kung Fu Hustle

2006-01-05T00:29:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I gleefully watched this movie. It's great, and by great I mean FUCKING great!!! I think alot of people are put off by 2 reasons... They either have a funny taste in their mouth from the abominal Kung Pow!, or they are put off by reading subtitles. Both of those should be omitted as this movie is a HILARIOUS, "Matrix-esque" kung fu movie that has some seriously funny plot twists. It's very reminiscent of the pace and feel of a musical, although there are no songs... well... one... The action remains just as furious as the jokes and in my opinion, it might have been the funniest movie of 2005.

There are these 2 harmless twits (for lack of a better word), who swear they want to be badasses. They try everything from robbing an ice cream vendor to claiming they are part of the shady ass gang of thugs known as the Axes. Eventually they actually find the real Axes and they are pissed. Soon after a huge series of fights break out, and so do the hilarious special effects. Kung Fu masters battle cool villains (such as a pair of Sitar weilding madmen) and eventually duel with some super "hard as nails" fuckin' insane, Master of all Kung Fu styles guy. It's funny because somehow the story makes sense in a cliche (stereotypical) but fresh Chinese + Kung Fu kind of way. The special effects are intentionally non-realistic and it fits perfectly. The fight sequences are pretty well choreographed with some really sick and amazing moves. The subtitles are also hilarious for those of you who hate subtitles. It really does everything an action/comedy should do...

At all costs, just view this movie. If you missed it, it's time to really check it out. If you have a girlfriend and she has no interest in this movie whatsoever (probably the case), tell her there is a very romantic (and simultaneously hilarious) side story.

It's FUCKIN' NUTS!

Wolf's Creek

2006-01-04T19:51:00.000-05:00

It all starts off as 2 British chicks and an Aussie guy have planned to go and hike the area known as Wolf's Creek. Within it's confines is a huge crater (VERY IMPRESSIVE) and after they scope it out and get back to their automobile, it doesn't start... Damn cars, you know they are so unreliable when there is impending doom headed your way. So they meet this drifter who decides to help them out... To quote Arnold from Predator, "...Bad Idea...". Well this drifter turns out to be some kind of deranged killer and a string of unfortunate events happen to these hikers. Being touted as being sick in the same way as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I would have to say not quite... But it's a different type of film. Not quite the slasher film many might think, however there still is some slashing going on. Alot of the "shine" is from the acting which is very good, and maybe it's the accents that cover it too well for my untrained ears but some of the looks the killer "shoots" are truly creepy. There are a few gut-wretching moments but this entry into the "genre" is a little less gory as some of the entries as of late (The Devil's Rejects). But there is enough tension to get you through the movie without thinking that it is even a tad bit on the slow side. Alas... there are alot of interesting moments and probably one of the best Aussie flicks I have ever seen. It's defintely one of the best put together... Worth a peek...

ramblings...

2006-01-04T11:51:00.000-05:00

I was just poking around on the 'net and I came past a massive interview on ign.com with Todd McFarlane. I guess Spawn is finally hitting 150 issues or something like that. When Spawn was first released over a decade ago, I was all over it. I had the first 20 issues or something like that. But after that my interest dropped off and it looks like the series has too. I love the toys, I love the different styles (Medieval). The movie was horrible. What have they done? By releasing a movie that bad, it must have put back the franchise a few years... But now Todd is saying he wants to make another movie.....................

So I'm reading this interview, which was written in mid-Dec., and I come across a q&a segment that made me so disgusted that I had to stop reading... immediately.

"IGN Comics:
Do you have a targeted date for it. Are you thinking 2007 or is it too early to say?"

"McFarlane:
In a perfect world, I'd like to put it out next year. I'm in the middle of writing it now. It depends how many times I go over the script. I might be quite pleased with it and get some notes from people I trust, but my guess is I'm probably gonna grind this thing over three or four or five times. I'd love to do production in the first half of the year and that means I could get it out in time Halloween of next year. It shouldn't be a long shoot. It's not an overly complicated story. It's fairly contained. Why? I don't have a big budget. I've got to keep the story consistent with the budget. I think we could shoot this thing in two months."

So he just basically told us he's not even done writing it, he's trying to rush it out for the Halloween season, it's not an "overly complicated story", he doesn't have a big budget, and he could shoot it in 2 months... Hmm?... I wonder if this movie will be any good or not...?

Greatest Games of All Time: Pilotwings

2006-01-03T18:27:00.000-05:00

Most systems launch with games that are shit. It is much reknown that launch titles are garbage but it was not the case with the SNES. The Super Nintendo launch with a little gem known as Pilotwings. Pilotwings was the typical Nintendo fare (not a bad thing). It was innovative as well as fun... as well as quirky. In this game you were the pilot of various mechanisms, such as bi-planes and jet-packs. Eventually you unlock a hang-glider as well as some kind of penguin suit which can't quite fly but you can tread air... with the help of trampolines however... Even in this early stage of SNES, Nintendo displayed a new technology that was only available for this new system. "Mode 7" was a way to have the sprites (the environment and characters) rotate. It's funny that this was such a big deal 15 years ago, but it surely was better than the Genesis' "Blast Processing" (fucking bullshit false technology). Any way, you'd control planes from takeoff to landing, flying them through loops in the air, or you'd sky dive and try to go through rings in the air and try to land on small squares. Of course you could maneuver controlling your tilt (speed) and direction. It really is a cool video-game concept that has rarely been duplicated (except by Super Monkey Ball). It was kind of Nintendo's first foray into physics and damn was it spot on. This game should be emulated (*cough* dual meaning *cough*)!

BOOYAKASHA: 8.9

FYI: I've never played the supposedly stellar Pilotwings 64...

Buy My Gear!

2006-01-03T02:48:00.000-05:00

It's about fuckin' time, oh yea! All shirts are 100% REAL and 100% Guaranteed BAD-ASS!

"Luke and the Wookie" BASEBALL TEE

Back: I saw a LUKE! and the Wookie show and all I got was this lousy t-shirt...

"Zombi Lovah" TEE

We're In!

2006-01-03T01:17:00.000-05:00

Well, at least us Steeler fans don't have to worry about making the playoffs as we clinched the wild card. The first half of this game seemed sketchy and the Lions seemed to be getting it in on us... That's embarrassing. At halftime, Cowher no doubt expressed his disappointment and they came out swinging. The final was 35-21, and now I think it's time to start worrying about the next game... But I think we are going to do well in the playoffs. It sucks we got the wild card, after we started off so well. But I truly think that it's not going to matter and we are going to show what kind of smashmouth football we can play... The big test is next week... AT Cincinatti...

Who says he still can't get down? 3 TDs BITCH!

BTW: It's funny how I refer to the Steelers and myself as we...

The Walking Corpse pt2

2006-01-02T22:58:00.000-05:00

DICK CLARK:

Who is this mysterious character appearing in Times Square every year? What are his origins? Born as a peasant in northern Romania in 1433, Demetri Clarkos was raised on a chicken farm ran by his father. After his mother passed away during a horrible butter churning accident, Demetri spent most of his youth occupying the chicken coup where he would study the fouls and conduct early and crude experiments on them. For some astonishing reason, he took to science very quickly. Obsessed by his father's slaughtering of the chickens he swore he would never allow another one of his birds to be done in this way. Through his experiments he developed a legion of undead chickens whom eventually overtook his small village and picked his father, Radu, and his farmhand/lover, Chloe, limb from limb. This caused quite a stir and neighboring communities arose to stop this unnatural union of chicken and man. On one night the local villagers, with the cliche torch in hand, burned down the chicken coup while Demetri was supposedly inside. It was later discovered that there were no human bones in the ashes and was later learned that Demetri fled... He had escaped... and he swore revenge. Some say he had made an unholy pact while others say he in fact died and that his spirit walks the earth looking for his chickens...

Through history he was lost for the next 500 years. It is rumored that he escaped to the "new world" via the Pinta. There he was lost among the general populous where it has been suggested that he tried to restart his undead chicken horde in Roanoke, Virginia which failed miserably. He then again disappears until the 1900's when a Dick Clark is introduced the early music scene in the United States. In 1972 it was revealed that he was in fact undead and a huge cover-up led by ABC ensued over the realization that they might lose ratings over such a debacle. This is where some debate has entered over an incident in 2002 when it has been rumored (yes, another "rumor") that a group of pirates (also undead) hunted down and destroyed Demetri. It was rumored (yes, again!) that during his journey to this continent aboard the Pinta, that the Pinta was attacked by a ship carrying a black flag with the staple skull and crossbones. No one knows what happened in that ill-fated incident and it was dismissed... as rumor...

So a few nights ago as the ball dropped, I heard him, obviously too fucked up to see. What was this apparition I witnessed. Through all these rumors I assumed that he had been ran from his homeland only to be hunted down here in the "states" and destroyed by zombified (even a word?) pirates. But here he was... A close friend of mine whose father's illegitamate son has a brother who is currently separated from a woman who claims that she has, in her possession, a set of documents that describes in revealing details that in early 2003 that ABC had put together a board with the job to digitally recreate Dick (Demetri). It is unknown whether "he" is controlled via circuit boards and wires or if he is, in fact, just A.I. software. It has been debated somewhat through certain groups of people who have tried to discover the truth while the majority of people don't even know the truth... This scares me... How can we, as Americans, not seek the truth in the media that we are subjected to? Any further information would greatly be appreciated...

Those who have just discovered the truth should beware as there is another rumor that Demetri, who has survived so many perils, is believed to be still alive (if you can constitute being rotting and undead as alive) and well (if you can constitute decomposing flesh and bad teeth as well). Yet another rumor declares that he is in hiding, building his horde of chicken abominations (think chickens with two heads and robot enhancements) waiting to unleash his 3rd attack while even another rumor states that he has switched his attack to the digital world (as opposed to the "analog" world). Rumor has it I just peed myself...

Threat Level: 89%

Last known photograph: 2002

Better Than a LAN Party...

2006-01-02T00:46:00.000-05:00

For New Year's Eve GR8WHITEHYPE and myself through a fiesta at the crib. Well he planned and put it together and goddamn did it pull through. HYPE came through with laser-like precision. We had several cases of beer, a shitload of liquer... almost the recipe for disaster but it was flawless. The ratio of girls to boys was approximately 6:5 which was the shit. The girls were hot and the night was full of laughs and totally embarrassing moments. Mr. PoopyPants and I played the most embarrassing few matches of BeerPong as we were totally dominated. I lost in my own house. Unfortunately we did not have in our possession an official regulation size BeerPong table and instead had to settle for a table with a door on top of it... yes... a door. Next was the beer hurdles, which I didn't participate due to a pain in my vaginal area, followed by a drinking card game which I don't remember. I was tore up. As the final countdown was announced through a mini-P.A. system I own a few of us had some business to take care of and all in all it ended up being an all nighter... So far, 2006 is slammin'!

"Beer Hurdles"

"Oscar" the 'possum*

Defeat=Teabag

"ENTER MY VORTEX!"

*: Oscar was born on a cold monday night in January 2000. Being the bastard son of a deadbeat 'possum isn't easy you know... When he got older he started hanging with the bad 'possums. These 'possums delved into a life filled with PCP and Crystal Meth which then led to Oscar seeing the error in his ways and follow a new cult "religion" that was in it's infancy known as Scientology. After learning of the inner workings of life, he then became a vagabond and walked the earth. He stumbles onto my porch on New Year's Eve looking for friends to mingle among when he is rapidly "shooed" away. After being shooed away, Oscar sank into deep depression. Later Oscar would develop a nasty case of head lice and then be savagely murdered (read: demolished) by some mechanical construction that is being navigated by one of the "uprights".

Impressions: Dead or Alive 4

2006-01-01T16:56:00.000-05:00

Well, after arduously hunting this game I had several "sitdowns" with this game since Friday. Immediately I felt a strain that I haven't felt since... Ninja Gaiden. The feel is sooo Tecmo, or should I say Team Ninja. I have had some trouble with this one. I don't even really understand what is going on half the time as I still receive ass-whoopings on a regular basis. Although I try to become better, I fail miserably. But I enjoy this game tremendously. and each ass kicking is awesome to watch. The game seems to offer more solutions than problems, at this point anyway. This is easily one of the highly refined "launch window" games and it offers a very solid package in whole. The combos are nice, the art design is fantastic and I really need to get back to playing this... Review soon!

8-BIT

2005-12-31T19:48:00.000-05:00

New Year's Eve Edition:

1.) I've been neglecting my blog recently, I'm aware of this... It's not that I've been running out of ideas or content, or that I've lost interest but the fact that I have so much stuff to review/scope out. After the New Year, I'm going to get on the ball... I swear...

2.) I beat Call of Duty 2 for the 360. It was awesome and a review will be posted in a day or two... probably tomorrow...

3.) Yesterday I bought Dead or Alive 4. It is awesome and I've beaten it with 3 or 4 characters, but as I slept last night, Creepster finished the game with every character, unlocking most costumes and characters (including the Spartan)... fucker...

4.) I played some Halo 2 splitscreen for the first time on my 360 yesterday. There is a huge framerate problem in splitscreen and the framerate jumps also VERY badly on Backwash... WTF!

5.) I hooked up the streaming abilities of the 360 with my PC. Although I can't watch movies because I lack Media Center, I can still stream movies and pics. It's all kind of weird but I would have to say that I would definitely rather have it than not have it...

6.) Last night I almost drank an entire 5th of Crown Royal. I don't know what got into me but I didn't cry over girls of years past or act entirely too sloppy. Personally I would have to say I behaved myself quite nicely. After I finished the Crown, I went to Yukon Jack and I remember why I hate ol' Jackie-boy!

7.) As I prepare for the festivities tonight, I have to remind everyone to not drink and drive and be careful. But at the same time I would say to each one of you to get entirely shitfaced, make a fool of yourself and spend it with people that aren't complete assholes (but if you do then tell them to fuckin eat shit and die). But in all seriousness, have fun and be extremely careful if you drink...

8.) Happy New Year! Whats your New Year's resolution?

Sharky Shark and the Funky Bunch

2005-12-30T00:40:00.000-05:00

Ninja vs. Pirates vs. Robots vs. Zombies vs. ??????

5.) The Shark: With a primeordial instinct for killing, the shark has a smile that not many people forget. Back in the 80's a film came out that downplayed the intensity of a sharks thirst for blood. Ironically Jaws went on to be a blockbuster and the Shark King* waged war on all non sharks (except for mermaids, which are smoking hot). Out with a vengence, there is one obstacle they must overcome but cannot quite yet... land.
-Pwr: 10
-Spd: 10**
-Int: 1 (Shark King*: 2)
-Chr: 0**
-Con: 10
-Special "Edge": Untouchable in h20. Can get airborne for 1d20+10 ft. Everyone is scared of sharks. Can easily be incorporated into a robotic or undead version (bonus to attributes). Scores mermaids... 'nuff said.

*: The Shark King is real. (Pic->)
**: -8 modifier on land.

Going Under the Knife...

2005-12-29T23:44:00.000-05:00

In t-minus 23 minutes, after moving all of BT's favorite videos and books to another hard drive (donated by "DigiPain"), I will be brainwashing my laptop again. It's gotten a mind of it's own recently and I have to once again peg it down by submission. Hopefully I'll have this thing up and running in an hour or so, but seeing how it's a PC... nothing is going to go right. And this isn't a Mac vs. PC matchup, this is PC vs. console one. God damn PC's, why should one feel another's wrath just over some "vids"... Not mine of course... BT's.

FYI: The number 23 signifies many great things!

Michael Jordan (better than LeBron)
Pairs of chromosomes in humans
Tons an average head of human hair can support
The age I was last year
The day in Dec. in 2012, the Mayans said the world is going to end
Times I've experienced birfdays
Number on my Xbox360 "ticket"
My rank in Team Skirmish

SEE YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE:

Digital Boobies later this week...

2005-12-29T01:02:00.000-05:00

Dead or Alive 4 has been confirmed to be shipped today. I am trying to go get it somewhere if they have it. It will be within my grasp Friday at the latest. I can't wait...

Did You Know?: Badlogik touts this as possibly being the first "5-star" game for the 360...

Did You Know#2?: I've never played more than 2 D.O.A. matches EVER!

BEWARE: SPYWARE!

2005-12-28T02:03:00.000-05:00

I just scored some spyware! Yes!... No, not really. It fucking sucks and it's from a spyware removal program site with a name I wouldn't dare repeat. Anyone who pays for the software will be personally tracked down and be tortured and eventually be killed by me. I sent a nasty little complaint to the "customer service". What the fuck... I'm going to reformat this shit. But BT begs me not to do it. He has some of his... school work on my hard drive. Plus I think that's where he keeps his porno.

Bonus Hint: "A NEW PLAYER HAS JOINED THE MATCH"...(to be continued)

Impressions: Call of Duty 2 (360)

2005-12-27T22:35:00.000-05:00

The X360 has been subjected to mass scrutiny since it has been released. For the most part I think the majority of the launch titles are stale sequels. Although Call of Duty is a sequel (and a port), I cannot share that sentiment with it. Call of Duty is the first "true" next-gen title. Technically, it what you would expect... more polygons, higher framerate, longer draw distance, etc. The sound is also powerful with a nice score and some chatty and energetic squad-mates that are not directly controlled but they "shadow" you very well. The game is full of scripted events with plenty taking place at all times. Oh... the action, is amazing! The action that takes place is non-stop and you really can feel the "pull" of battle. When I say "pull", I mean actually taking or giving physical ground as legions of enemies come from all angles to try to "pin" you down. The locales I've played so far (snow and desert) are all unique with effects such as swirling snowflakes in Russia to mini dust "fog" through the town in Egypt. But in a word, the campaign ROCKS.

The multiplayer is it's own beast. There is a real "spiffy" "replay" of your death and it's through your killers sights, which is a very nice/cool/innovative feature (thanks to REGINOBLE for reminding me!). But it's not just gimmicks that seals the deal, the gameplay is spot-on. With all this praise comes a curveball. It offers a VERY solid experience that is only hampered by two things. One is the weak-ass implementation of the online portion. By that I mean inviting a friend to a game is very hard as there is no real "room" before the game and while the game is in progress you can't usually invite anyone because there are already 8 players. So it's not impossible, just a pain in the ass. The second problem is lag. in 1 out of 5 games, a game will be unplayable. And I don't mean barely unplayable, I mean just quit then and there because it won't get better. But with these online problems, I can confidently say that the online portion is still worth it and you just have to bear through the problems...

So what do I think so far? The game is without a doubt, amazing... The best 360 game I've played as well as the best WWII game I've ever played. Expect a review sometime next week...

No More Masters of Horror 'til 2006!

2005-12-26T00:21:00.000-05:00

I just checked my Comcast OnDemand for the 9th episode in the Masters of Horror series (which I've been following) to learn that it wasn't up yet. I pondered this outcome and it led me to the internet to find information as to why Comcast doesn't have it up yet... The dates for the remaining short films? 2006... no month... no date... just 2006... WTF MF? This kind of breaks my enthusiasm as I usually watch the new episodes every week... I've never really followed TV series before... Don't tell me this is how they fuckin' work...

UPDATE: WTF MF!!!

Christmas 2005: The Review

2005-12-25T19:49:00.000-05:00

Woke up at Creepster's house after an "all-nighter" playing 3 player Call of Duty 2 matches. We can only guess who came out on top... So anyway it's 9 a.m. and it was time to get this party started. With no presents to open (opened them on the Eve), it was time to eat. Came up to my dad's house and ate some leftover ham from the night before, along with some "JoJo" potatoes, breaded mushrooms, mozzarella sticks, and jalenpeno poppers. While bloated I then went to play my Xbox 360 when I realized that I left the video cable at the Creepster's pad. In utter dismay (he had left town to eat with his mother), I then decided to post on my blog and play with Lady. Ah... we've had some good times. So later in the day I retreived the cable, posted more and it was time again to eat again. At dinner, my dad, Sharon (dad's GF), and myself sat down for some salad with tomatoes, orange and red peppers, onions, lettuce, and an overabundance of bacon bits with ranch dressing. Next up was the lasagna, which was delicious and very saucy (Mmm...). With the dinner was italian bread (with butter) and an array of pickled vegtables and cheeses which I have never heard of. After dinner my father and I were treated with blackberry pie, pumpkin cheesecake (which I scored from the Cheesecake Factory), some nameless but very satisfying strawberry desert (which had jello, whipped cream, strawberries and pretzels!) and vanilla ice cream. Presently I am now currently watching my father (non-gamer) play C.o.D.2, which he is enjoying through his campaign in Egypt even now as sit bloated (again) and typing on this post. So far, so good...

The presents this year reportly are even better than the food. The receiving of over half a dozen credible shirts along with several graphic novels (which I have been reading alot of lately), a few movies from BT and Steve, and the XBOX MOTHERFUCKIN' 360 with C.o.D.2 I would have to say fuck yea! Did I mention a set of pirate and ninja action figures? This year rocked...

So how does it all end? Me going home, playing some more Xbox 360, maybe post again (my posts have been lacking) watch a movie and go to bed.

Festivities: 8
Just dinner with my dad and Sharon. Usually we have a bigger family get together, but I guess we are keeping this simple this year. Since my dad is moving imminently, he didn't put up a full size tree and instead opted for a 3 ft. LIVING tree. Sorry dad: -1 pt. no Xmas tree and -0.5 pt. for no wine (preferably red [even more specifically cabernet or merlot]).

Presents: 10
Clothes that were much needed, comics to read, movies to watch. Everything a geek could want. Xbox 360. 'Nuff said.

Cuisine: 9.5
Some of the best lasagna I've had in a while with plenty of cheeses, pepperoni, pickled veggies ranging from sweet pickles to spicy cauliflower. -0.5 pt. deduction for an overabundance of olives (black and green, ew.).

Dessert: 10
The strawberry mystery contender was unbelievable, the cheesecake rocked my world, the blackberry pie was perfection and oh, my sweet vanilla ice cream, how I love vanilla...

Overall: 9 (not an average)
Great meal, excellent gift distribution and Xbox 360. Played with my doggy, Lady and played video games and read a little bit. Hard for next year to top this year, but with Halo 3 and PS3*, I think it is very possible...

*: My inclusion of mentioning PS3 is in no way, shape or form to be understood as PS3>XBOX360

I Love the Smell of Xmas Presents in the Morning...

2005-12-25T12:08:00.000-05:00

...smells like victory. So I scored the Xbox360 for Jesus-Christmas... Just that alone would dictate the best Xmas I've had in years... Not that I had shitty ones in the past but it was the one item that among all others, I wanted. Did I need it? No. Did I want it? You fucking bet... Besides receiving this hefty piece of geektech, I got a shitload of nice clothes, ranging from nice button-ups to some snazzy sweaters. A few more of the sweeter presents include a couple of totally generic but interestingly bad-ass action figures (a ninja and a pirate more specifically) and several graphic novels. The graphic novels are Squee, Dawn of the Dead (Steve Niles adaptation of the G. Romero classic), and Sin City: Family Values. I have to give it up to Squee (which was from Badlogik), it really is a cool little comic about a boy with some unfortunate mishaps with aliens, zombies, and classmates. It really is funny, and a review is sure to pop up in a future update. In fact, I have so much new shit to play, watch, and read this Xmas, that I should get on the ball... then there was Call of Duty 2 (360)... I have to go play Call of Duty 2 so I can post a review A.S.A.P. because this game is fucking sweet! Nothing like killing Nazis on Christmas morning...

BTW: Lady Jane Deva Von Jack loves presents!
BTW#2: Christmas is also Lady's Birfday! Happy 11th mothafucka!

Merry Jesus-Christmas

2005-12-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

Just remember, Jesus was the first one to "rise from the dead"...

WARNING: This post may contain blasphemy. Reading this post may lead to smiteing by thee, massive flooding and plagues with locusts, giving up your first born, or getting stoned by your peers (hmm..?).

SPANKED THAT ASS!

2005-12-24T23:57:00.000-05:00

The Steelers beat the stinky-ass Browns 41-0. DAMN! The Steelers are fucking crushing recently, and in their last 3 games they are 80-12. One more game and then... PLAYOFFS!

AND: Four Steelers make the PROBOWL:

Alan Faneca (OG) - 5th ProBowl Selection
Jeff Hartings (C) - 7th ProBowl Selection
Joey Porter (OLB) - 50 tackles, 8 sacks
Troy Polamalu (SS) - 77 tackles, 3 sacks

Be One With the Geek...

2005-12-23T01:24:00.000-05:00

SCORE YOUR DIAMOND PASS HERE!

Xbox Live Diamond Card, for the geek it's a license to thrill card. Like your online gamertag I.D., but it gets you discounts at some weak spots, although I am sure they will update it with some snazzier places. But the catch..., it's free. That and it probably says in the fine print that you sell your soul to Microsoft. Just don't accidently get it confused with your "analog" world I.D. as you might be gazed upon like a damn fool. Did I sign up? Fuck YEA! Microsoft is trying to take over the world! YES!

wouldn't it be sweet...

2005-12-22T09:15:00.000-05:00

...if I wasn't a procrastinator and save Christmas (Holiday) shopping for a few days before Christmas (the Holidays). It's going to be madness...

FUCK!

UPDATE: Went EXTREMELY WELL... STAY TUNED!

The 40 Year Old Virgin

2005-12-22T01:21:00.000-05:00

Just finished watching this movie, with GR8WHITEHYPE. It's hilarious. In a few ways it tackles the problem of trying to "ok" virginity. Hell, I'm all for it... I thought that this was going to be the "run of the mill" comedy with a romantic twist, but it was funny in a sexual kind of way. In some ways I can kind of connect with "Andy" forsaking girls for hobbies (and friends) sometimes, but 40 years... I mean come on...

The film starts off with Andy, Steve Carrell, being preoccupied with his life... as a geek. He's the kind of geek that loves classic TV shows of his era and shitty comic book characters suck as IronMan and also the propaganda-laden G.I. JOE. He lives a simple life where he does what he loves, alone... like a hermit. Finally after years of service at a suspiciously identical Circuit City clone, he is invited to a poker game where the "men" share tales of past sexual experiences. As the guys take their turn finally Andy admits that he is a virgin. Seeing how virgins are the butt of all jokes, it shoots off from here. Through his adventures he meets a "hot grandmother" which really is smoking! She runs some kind of Ebay store and sets the perfect stage for the happy ending. These misadventures take you for an energetic "rollercoaster ride" through what would seem to be the much played-out storyline.

There are several instances were Andy tries to get a few "warm-ups" before the big game by using the "drunkest girl in the room" tactic (not advised in my experience) and as you can figure, they turn out disasterously. Andy quickly learns that as he is driven through traffic by some random crazy bitch that his friends try to indirectly hook him up with. But the comedy comes from the truthfulness in the jokes about the dating scene, which includes many different "stereotypes" of individuals who are faithfully recreated in the film. There were times when I winced for Andy, as well as times that I cringed at some of the comments he makes. He does, as mentioned in the film, possess a secluded homicidal serial killer personality (or as I suspect it would be similar to). There is a high romantic presence in this comedy as well as many, many, many sexual overtones. I LOVE POTTY-MOUTH! Also with Dawn of the Dead (remake unfortuanately) being played in the background with a charade rip-off from Shaun of the Dead, how can you go wrong?

This movie does so many things right that I can't remember anything all that negative. This movie doesn't let up ever as virgins are destined to be made fun of in any country, in all cultures. Definitely worth the rental fee and the purchase being a good/easy possibility.

CAUTION: Saving your virginity for an indefinite amount of time may lead to blue balls (which IS fictitious), lack of self esteem, and ridicule from your peers.

Virgins: Funny, even in Germania...

Adolescent Adventures in Gaming:

2005-12-21T00:30:00.000-05:00

.
..
...
....At 13 my knowledge about strippers was spotty at best... That all changed in '96 when a true ladies man provided me with some tips. Duke Nukem was the man when it came to the ladies. Whenever spotting a stripper in a bar full of angry cops, who had pig-like features ironically, he always made time to set aside his shotgun, drop a few bucks and tell her to "Shake it, baby!". Without the early training/conditioning from Mr. Nukem I would have never had the confidence to barter/haggle with a stripper... THANKS DUKE!

He's SMOOTH with the ladies...

...and yes... Duke Nukem Forever still hasn't come out...

You Know You Want It...

2005-12-20T23:45:00.000-05:00

WATCH THIS!

BTW: There is usually a debate that goes on about which of these games happens to be better? Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat... Hmmm... Let me think about this one... COME THE FUCK ON! Mortal Kombat filled a very nice void when violence on it's level was taboo, the graphics were "new" and the fighting was solid... BUT, it's fuckin' Street Fighter man... The only thing Street Fighter could do wrong is if they released a horrible live action movie... oh wait... they did...

Ken and Ryu... yes... Ken... and... Ryu...?

30 Days of Night

2005-12-20T13:43:00.000-05:00

Just finished the series last night. It kicked off in 2002 with the original series, 30 Days of Night. The story then continues in the sequels: Dark Days and Return to Barrow. With a film release in 2006 I decided to see what the fuss was all about. The story starts off in the northern most part of Alaska (Barrow to be exact), where there comes a season where the sun sets for 30 days. Without sun, the inhabitants of the town of Barrow tough out the sunless next 30 days as they have done since the townfolk can remember. This year however a plan has been hatched by a vampire looking to start an annual feeding frenzy during this period. Gathering legions of different vampires they begin the feeding but then hit a few snags... The "heroes" are a male and female cop, the only law enforcement in Barrow btw, who happen to also be married. As the town is slaughtered they have to devise a plan so that maybe, just maybe some will survive...

Style: 7.5
Although the artwork is cool in a sketchbook kind of way, there are times when you really can't tell what is going on... Not to say that the art direction is off as it does represent the dark and cold very accurately...

Storyline: 8.5
The story involves several main characters and it really gets tense at some points. The sequels involve some reappearing characters from the prequels but usually use associative characters (such as kin) to keep the ball rolling. The whole way the vampires are portrayed is cool as they have in their possession familiars and are almost indestructable. The mood is what makes the story excel.

A Final Word with J: For some reason the art style is not my favorite. Fans of Arkham Asylum and similar books will be very pleased. That being said it is a cool style and fits well. Some things I did like however, like the gore factor and the individuality of most characters. It's definitely worth a read if you are into the "classic" movie monsters or just dark, gore-laden books. I am anticipating the movie...

Books Read:
30 Days of Night
Dark Days
Return to Barrow
Bloodsucker Tales
Annual 2004

"And to the left... Obsession NUMBER ONE!"

2005-12-19T13:52:00.000-05:00

I was 19, although it was 5 years ago it feels like eons. The first time I heard them was almost a decade before that. I didn't really dig it. In fact I had a certain disdain for them. Not that I hated them but I would talk trash sometimes. There early look was... rough. The songs were radio-friendly but the grunge look was harsh. Back to 2000... I met up with a few new friends and moved to an apartment during my first year in college. To make a long story short, one of my roommates was OBSESSED with Pearl Jam. Day in and day out I would constantly hear PJ. When I say he was obsessed, I mean he had seen them in Hawaii, had many collectables, all his shirts were Pearl Jam shirts, he had PJ tattoos, over 300 CDs (mostly live shows obviously)... I used to think it was a bit too much. But something happened... I changed. I always thought that their music was "OK" but like I said, I labeled them as a gimmick band... I was so wrong... The first song I remembered liking was Light Years (Binaural). It really is a beautiful song about how someone who is now gone (death?) is so far away. I had no real emotional ties to the song but I thought the words were amazing and I loved the beats too. I rapidly caught on to the songs and I really dug what the message was in all the songs. To me the songs have a cinematic feel, much like staple bands like the Beatles, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, as well as others. Now that I look back I hate that I missed the 2000 tour. It was the tour following my favorite album, Binaural. The tour started off rocking hard in Europe (as indicated by the live cds [every one has been officially released and can be found in most stores {GO GET THEM!!!}]), but something very tragic happened. During a show at Roskilde, Denmark, people had rushed the stage during a song and 9 people were trampeded over... The European tour was halted and PJ, after being cleared of guilt, came back stateside where after a few months they started and finished their U.S. tour. People might/did say that this was a selfish, unthoughtful mood... This tour was the most heartfelt I have ever listened to. It took a kind of slower, darker shape. It feels like that every show is a long lament. They were definitely shaken by the incident and it gave way to some untapped creative power... it's fucking amazing! Anyone who isn't into Pearl Jam should listen to something from 2000... it's pure bliss. I was really in to them.

Later my love would evolve into something else. I am a guy, you know? A manly man. A man amongst men. There are all types of songs for every mood. There are songs that I feel are some of the most romantic songs. I've tried to convince previous girlfriends this, they dissed the idea however. But there are hard rock songs that are mind-blowing also. Each album sounds different than the last as they try to explore different sounds, as well as different ideologies. Every album should be listened in it's entirety and offers a different experience...

BEHOLD: Jason's Guide to PJ Albums

Ten- Named after the number of a basketball player, Mookie Blaylock, which was also Pearl Jam's original name. Features a hard and heavy angst driven sound that's undeniably grunge. Mostly about death, love and killing, not really in that order... Hits include: Black, Once, Evenflow, Release, Oceans and few others. My favorite?: Deep.
VS.- Quickest selling album of all time and remained so for a few years. Possibly harder than Ten... PJ experiments with the album and some people seem to drop off. Hits include: Small Town (aka Elderly Woman, aka EWBTCIAST, aka Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town), Daughter, Dissident, Rearviewmirror (RVM) as well as some others. My favorite?: Rats.
Vitalogy- Another experiment. Reminds me of some early 70's scientific informational shows. It's out there and there are some cool songs on top of the good songs that really explore into taking the music somewhere else. Hits include: Betterman, Nothingman, Corduroy, Not For You. My favorite?: Satan's Bed/Whipping.
No Code- Many fans dropped off when this hit. It is strange but quality still hasn't diminished, it's just that it's somewhat Bizarro... Not an album that is easily appreciated without being a fan. It's extremely solid nevertheless. Hits include: Hail, Hail, Who You Are, Smile. My favorite?: In My Tree/Red Mosquito (I think it's about vampires, ha!).
Yield- WIDELY regarded as the best album, I have to admit it will always be special to me, but everyone says Yield so I'm going to go with Binaural. Is it the best one? YES! Guaranteed to hook (line and sinker) a non-believer. Hits include: Given to Fly, Wishlist, Do the Evolution (DTE), Low Light. My favorite?: All of them (I'm serious).
Binaural- Kind of like a futuristic PJ, they discuss problems like government, international problems, the mystic, and changes made in the world regarding all controversial types such as cloning, nuclear disasters, etc. My "favorite" just because it's somewhat pre-apocalyptic... sweet. Hits include: Light Years, Nothing As It Seems (NAIS), Insignificance. My favorite?: I love them all. I love the extremely dark mood of NAIS, I love the extreme day-dreaminess of Sleight of Hand... This is also a must listen.
Riot Act- As experimental almost as No Code but it is pieced together very well. When I first heard it, I didn't like it, but since I've grown to admire the fact that it's "quirky". They add an organ to the mix and it sounds fucking good. Hits include: Save You, Loveboat Captain, I am Mine, Bushleaguer (which talks shit on Bush the ENTIRE TIME)- very cool song. My favorite?: Can't Keep, You Are, Bushleaguer, and oddly Arc.
Lost Dogs- Compilation of unreleased songs... Perfect for the fan, sketchy for the newcomer but curiously delightful. Hits include: U, Yellow Ledbetter, Dirty Frank, Footsteps. My favorite?: I love Brother (instumental), Hitchhiker, Sweet Lew.
Finally, there are so many unreleased songs that it's disgusting and many are amazing. My favorite?: Last Soldier. And they cover MANY songs. Hits include: Crazy Mary, Rockin' in the Free World (RitFW). Also there is the first official live album which is fuckin' great: Live on Two Legs.

Give them a try... I've converted a few already...

Awesome Read!

(inside cover of the Touring Band 2000 DVD)

2 more games...

2005-12-18T23:14:00.000-05:00

Look, the Steelers beat us 18-3!!!

ramblings...

2005-12-18T22:08:00.000-05:00

My recently acquired friend, BT has been finally a little more speedy on giving me a few more comics, perhaps the reason for the lack of updates lately.

I've read a few issues of the Silent Hill series, which just like the video game, is loaded with grotesque, sexually charged themes. The only similarity that these books have with their video game counterparts are that they take place in the same town, Silent Hill. Personally for those of you who don't know any better, Silent Hill 2 has one of the best storylines that has ever surfaced for the horror genre, too bad it's known by a very small audience.

I've also been given, by BT of course, many issues of the 30 Days of Night series, by Steve Niles, which eventually is becoming a film I guess and The Goon, which I know absolutely nothing about except that the artwork and style is awesome, it includes zombies, and that it's supposed to be one of the best series that has been released in recent years.

Possibly in the next few days I'm going to watch A History of Violence which once again, I know nothing about except it features Viggo Mortenson (Aragorn) and that it's based off a comic book. It's supposed to be very good. Badlogik also gave me, for the holidays, Kung Fu Hustle, which I have never seen but I've heard it's VERY cool.

So all in all I better "get on my horse" and start checking out all this shit because there is actually more than I have mentioned and I must prepare for the "2005 Year in Review"...

Greatest Games of All Time: Pro Wrestling

2005-12-17T20:24:00.000-05:00

Before I even start maybe I should mention that I DETEST wrestling. I've never been a HULKAMANIA! fan. I don't know what the Macho Man's signature move is. But I do know that I was crazed for this game back on the NES. This game pitted over a half dozen of the world's best wrestlers in a tournament for the "champion belt". Each of the titans were different with different moves and different "motifs". There was an amphibian-type creature named the Amazon with birthplace unknown...? There was a guy from Korea (YES!), and also my personal favorite, Starman. Starman was the SHIT! We had a cool flying chest bump type move as well as the Somersault Kick. Nothing is known about this mystery man except he's from Mexico, he's 6'3'', and 22o lbs. Did I mention his colors are pink and purple? This game was rough, I don't know if I have ever beaten it. In fact beating it wasn't all that much of an objective. I just picked up the controller and pummeled. The Amazon was a cool character as well because the way he looked as well as his ability to bite his opponent and then dance... yes, dance. Maybe he is from some hidden Atlantis-like colony, off the coast of the Amazon, where it's inhabitants are less technologically advanced than we as supreme humans, which has some ancient ritual of feasting and celebrating after a decent hunt, or he's dancing because he's happy. This game was also one of the first to incorporate the NES "third button", which would be the simultaneous pressing of the "a" and "b" button (YES!!!). The graphics were distinctive although not terribly great, I can't remember the sound other than it was surely something disgustingly cheesy. Another great feature was the fatigue system. If you'd try an attempt at a back breaker too early in a match, chances were you'd fail, thus setting you up for a massive blow. Whenever someone got smeared in a match it usually was due to repeated body blows to a severely dilapidated foe. Damn this game rocked!

GO Starman, GO!

BOOYAKASHA: 8.7

TRIBUTE!: REAL MEN

2005-12-17T00:19:00.000-05:00

Enter: Gus Meyers
Coming from a long line of door-to-door droid salesmen, a then high-school drop out, Gus decided to look elsewhere for a source of income. One day he found a very inconspicious add with the title: "CLEAN THE UNIVERSE". Job Description: "Janitorial work in an extremely massive, impenetrable fortress, with world destroying capability (which is still somewhat insignificant to the power of the "Dark-Side") that intends to patrol and "observe" the galaxy. Beware of the vents that DO NOT lead to our generator core which CANNOT be hit with a missile via said vents." Seeing promise in a job that allowed to see the galaxy, Gus joined up. Moving quickly through the ranks, Gus now gets paid to sit and pull a lever which someone gives the signal to pull. From his assumptions he only pulls the lever once every 3-4 months. Although he doesn't realize what the lever does, he thinks it's a pretty sweet and extremely easy job.

OMFG!

KILLAGAZILLIODMAGNAHUMONGOIZINGTACULAR!

Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns

2005-12-17T00:13:00.000-05:00

Episode 8:
Cigarette Burns by John MOTHERFUCKING Carpenter! (Assault on Precinct 13 [org.], Halloween, The Fog [org.], Escape From New York, The Thing, Christine, Starman, Big Trouble in Little China, In the Mouth of Madness, Village of the Damned, Escape From L.A., Vampires)
A film fan who can find rare prints of films is contracted to look for an infamous film by a rich crazy fuck. The film suppossedly has some unearthly powers and drives people mad. If you think it sounds cliche, just think of it as the best film with that premise in mind. They take it for a crazy spin and it's very disturbing. Throw in some C-level actors with passable acting and you have a phenominal movie... yea I said that. There are many plot twists and bottom line? Best one yet by a landslide... CRAZY!

10/10

THIS JUST IN: Our statistics show that this score was computed without a nudity bonus.

ramblings...

2005-12-16T23:37:00.000-05:00

Shameless, simultaneous, multiple plugging... EW!

SinCity: Recut, Extended, and Unrated

2005-12-16T23:07:00.000-05:00

Destined to be in my top 3 for movies of the year, Sin City's first DVD release left a little to be desired. The only extras were a behind the scenes featurette and a damn slip cover. So obviously I, along with other fans, have been anticipating the new "decked out" DVD. This new release comes in a spiffy-ass case which is black with red foil embossing lettering. As you pull out the thick disc insert you will see a Frank Miller drawn portrait of the massively scarred Marv (my favorite character) and upon opening you will find 2 discs (over-laying) on the right with a mini version of the Hard Goodbye graphic novel housed on the left side (with a Sin City "pamphlet"). This massive 208 pg. book is nearly identical to the original graphic novel.

The Film: Sin City is an ultra-violent, sexually themed noir about several different plotlines which all take place within the confines of BaSIN City. These scenarios are actually 4 different stories that are all spliced into 1 entity, although they all seem to be interweaving somehow. The film is done in a very stylistic "black & white" although through editing some colors are "made" to appear. Anyone who loved the art of the comic, will immediately recognize the style... actually... anyone who loved the comic has definitely already seen this film and raves about it. This movie is pieced together from 4 of the 7 graphic novels with a sequel which might pick up the other 3. When making the film, Rodriguez used the graphic novels as the actual storyboards and to anyone who has seen the books can confirm this. It's hard to say anything because I would rather someone watch this film with no hype or with very little knowledge going into it. Just know that it's VERY adult-oriented and it features a lot of big names from Bruce Willis and Jessica Alba to Mickey Rourke and Elijah Wood. But I would feel like I cheated people if I didn't mention the likes of Josh Harnett, Benicio del Toro and even Brittany Murphy (who lost my respect in 8 Mile...). The characters are very likeable and the performances are solid. The look is very cool and the story is strange, yet very intriguing. Frank Miller is THE MAN! No more information except that if you're into shit like this you need to see it!

Disc 1: Features the original cut of the theatrical movie with a couple of commentaries by combinations of Robert Rodriguez, Q.T. (Tarantino), and the man, Frank Miller. Also the majority of the documentaries of various aspects of the film (costumes, props, cars, special effects, and a cool story of how Rodriguez convinced Miller to do the movie) appear on disc 1. Theatrical and teaser trailers are readily available on this disc as well.

Disc 2: There are a few featurettes mostly about the actual making (shooting) of the film with a cooking lesson from Robert Rodriguez himself, and a movie of the Sin City cast party. But the main draw for this new purchase is actually on this disc as well, the extended footage. The movie is actually cut to 4 different stories (all as "stand-alones") with all of the new footage being included right in the mix. Now for the bad news... This new set purportedly includes nearly 25 min. of new footage... Well, each of the 4 segments ends with it's own set of credits which is actually considered new footage... After the deduction of the the credit time, you're left with roughly 10 minutes... Marv's segment is only marginally longer with one of the better inserted scenes of the set as Marv picks up his gun, Gladys and has a run in with his mom. Hartigan and Yellow Bastard get a little here and a little there while Meho has a awesome scene that was somehow cut from the original version of the film (why?!?). Beware however, do not expect too much, but what is there is a nice addition and really doesn't break up the pacing of the original film (good thing).

So all in all, the new DVD is packed full of extras, albeit the hyped "23 minutes" of extra footage. Ooo yea... I almost forgot... Not that I'm really critical of DVD menus, the menus features here are very sweet... with a sort of "morphing" of the film and the comic going on in a 3D landscape. VERY SLICK...

FILM: 10/10
DVD FEATURES: 9/10 (point deducted for treacherously claiming "23 minutes of extra footage")

A Final Word With J: So is it worth a buy? At $30 MSRP, it might seem a little steep. For the fanboy/girl it would definitely warrant a purchase. For the DVD maniac who must have the DVD with all the features money can buy, this is for you. If you just want a version of the film, you can always go for the barebones edition... Me? I had this one pegged at the gate...

(figure not included)

...Weird Sin City Fact: Recently media censorship has been in the forefront of debates in popular culture. "Should kids be able to obtain/purchase adult material (movies, video-games, comics, etc.)?" When I was younger, I was a comic collector... I was never allowed to purchase this because I was under the age and that this was, as you can guess, an adult-oriented book. All I can remember from those days was a man in an electric chair with one of those caps on... At least it's finally in my grasp...

Finalized: HalfLife 2 (XBOX)

2005-12-14T22:55:00.000-05:00

HalfLife 2 sets a bar for immersion in a time when games strive to do so to break the confines of "video-gamedom". It's ironic actually in the way that the original HalfLife was considered one of the very first games that tried to seamlessly integrate an actual experience as opposed to just another game. How does the protagonist Gordon Freeman fare?

In HalfLife 2, players control an scientist who barely escaped his first mishap in HalfLife 1. Gordon is just a stereotypical scientist (frail and "corny") who is somehow placed at the helm of a resistance against a "new world order". His adventure involves creatures from other dimensions (identifying them as aliens would not be accurate), and a "government" which tries to control... wait... they don't even explain it... But as the original HalfLife proved, you don't have to explain everything and it's more about the experience. This might be touted as the HalfLife charm. Being in the dark with everything that is going on around you kind of lends itself to the immersion factor as you play Freeman, a scientist which is just thrust into ridiculous situations and comes out on top almost on accident. This title does well with scripted events making some situations tense and believable. Throughout the adventure you run through multiple "assimilated" towns and even a few military complexes. The game is heavily sci-fi in nature with some good ol' scares thrown in for good measure. You're given access to makeshift vehicles (built by the resistance) and a plethora of weapons, including the gravity gun which turns the game into one giant physics demo... did I mention the physics rock? The physics can be attributed to the amazing Source engine which powers this game. Items act more realistic than in any game to date. There are puzzles that rely on the floating of items in water where some items float better than others and some are easily manueverable while others are not. This game uses many different immerging technologies also making it amazing that it appears on a dated console like the XBOX.

One of the biggest concerns was that there were some doubts that this could be done on the XBOX. I will lay these concerns to waste with a "BUT"... Although I've never played the PC version, I will confirm that the features are intact. I can say this confidently because the gameplay is nothing you have ever seen on a console. The physics system is very smooth and probably the same as the PC. Unfortunately the same can't be said for the graphics... Although by no means ugly, the XBOX had to take some shortcuts to "make it work". Obviously everything in the book has been taken a notch down from the PC versions (textures, draw distance, polygons, FRAMERATE), the worst being the framerate. Not to discourage any potential buyers, as even the framerate can be worked around, while sometimes being a annoyance, it can be overlooked. Overall, for the XBOX, the graphics aren't quite bad... it's just the nagging feeling that it would rock your world on the PC. The audio is probably the same as it is on the PC while maybe being better depending on your setup. Guns and sound effects sound nice while the acting is superb. With the acting comes some sweet facial animations, BTW, another step in the "right direction". The loading times, although speedy, are quite frequent as well. Some claim it breaks up the action but it's nothing new to someone who plays on a console.

So is it worth playing?... Well if you are into the new physics system or a sci-fi/horror story that doesn't really explain itself (frequent in these two genres), then the answer is an invariable yes. Is it GOTY material? It's funny because last year it would be an unwaivering yes where in 2005 I would say maybe... on PC, if it hadn't already been done last year. Just the fact that I finished it means that it is AT LEAST slightly above "the other games" in production values as I don't finish games that are tedious, ugly, or just boring. Check it out... on PC primarily but on XBOX as a backup.

Video: 7
Nice design marred by technical limitations of the "EX-BOX", mainly the framerate...

Audio: 9
Only points taken off for MY lack of 5.1. Acting bridges gap between games and movies...

Production: 10
"HalfLife style", with awesome city design and nice little effects constantly going on... NOT TO MENTION THE SOURCE ENGINE!

Playability: 9
Nice campaign mode, I don't see anyone starting the game and not finishing, unless they get sick of the technical limitations due to the "EX-BOX"...

Overall: 8.5
One of the best game experiences of all-time only brought down by the "EX-BOX". That being said, it's totally playable and fun throughout.

Multiplayer: N/A
It's a shame too...

A Final Word with J: If you missed this well received, 2004 GOTY, because of your PC being down in the dumps and you own a XBOX, you should check this out. ESPECIALLY if you are into PC FPS's. There are so many things this game does well it really might become a keystone for upcoming titles who want to "up" their realism factor. There is quite simply, no other game like it. If you own it on PC, then there isn't anything new here (except for the new lighting and a couple other small features) so you might want to skip it. But the bottom line... if you are a "gamer" (so cliche), at least play this...

Luke! and the Wookie

2005-12-14T01:14:00.000-05:00

My band on Guitar Hero is finalized: LUKE! and the Wookie! I know what you're thinkin'... "Isn't wookie spelled wookieE?". I wanted to call my band Luke! and the Wookiees but I ran out of characters in the spelling. Damn this game is fucking entertaining... I have to call it quits soon because if anyone I know ever discovers that I play this game, I'll be ruined! And seeing how I keep disobeying the "First" and "Second" "Rule of Guitar Hero Club" (...you don't talk about Guitar Hero Club), I might be getting myself in more trouble. But now time for some pics...

ala Bruce Springsteen

"Feelin' it..."

"Feelin' it pt. 2..."

Ninja-Style

Tech Art?

But alas, it must come to an end...

(La Fin?)

8-BIT

2005-12-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

1.) I just scored the first 24 issues of The Walking Dead off a new friend, BT. He was a little slow getting them to me, that procrastinating bastard... I've read the first few issues and I have to admit that I am a little keen on the whole 3 to 4 books I have read so far. Like any of the good zombie movies, this comic deals with the inter-relationships of the "survivors" just as much as it tells of their encounters of the zombies. It offers some new angles to the zombie motif which are refreshing while not being corny. It's done pretty well. I think I'm going to really like this one...

So far... so good...

2.) Next up on my incoming impressions (via G'fly) are the games Spartan: Total Warrior and Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse. I would look for in-depth impressions over the weekend with a possible review if each game "makes it that far". Spartan looks to be some kind of gladiator style brawler with some "monsters from mythology". It looks like it could be entertaining for a while so hopefully it rocks. Stubbs, however, is a zombie adventure that uses the Halo engine (made by a ex-Bungie founder) and does a lot of things similar from what I hear... That can't be a bad thing... One thing that I'm not into is the time period. It takes place in '50's which really isn't a favorite time period of mine. Also a word used to describe this game has been repetititve. Too bad I have no one to play the co-op mode with because I'm sure this game will still be the shit...

3.) The Japanese Publisher, Working Designs has closed their doors for good citing the inability to work with Sony to bring games to the PS2 as their main downfall. During the Saturn days, they proved to reign supreme on top of the quickly diminishing 2D world with even some hits on PSone. Mostly known for the Lunar series, it would be a shame to claim that they didn't have any other credible games. Dragon Force for the Saturn was one of the freshest games for the playform.

4.) I completed HalfLife 2 sometime last week but I haven't gotten around to posting about it. On one hand I want to review it but on the other hand I think that if I had played the entire game on the PC (or next-gen system), the game would be receiving higher marks. Not any strikes against the XBOX version but I think that if Valve pushed it any harder we would be seeing the "blue screen of death". Very good experience overall and I'm glad after a year I've finally had the privilege of beating it. Yes, it was one of the only game in recent months that held my attention long enough to be beaten.

5.) Xbox 360 wasn't received well in Japan as early reports go on as saying that more than 60% remains unpurchased... And you thought that the U.S. had shitty launch titles...

6.) Play the Original SimCITY in your browser for FREE!!!

7.) I'm leaving to buy Sin City: RECUT AND EXTENDED in about 5 minutes... There is a shitload of new content including new footage (YES!!!) and many, many, many featurettes. Also I forgot, a resized version of The Hard Goodbye (all 208 pages) graphic novel (glorified comic) which tells Marv's story... I'm all over this one... A review is bound to pop-up in a later update...

8.) and finally,... the "Video Game Power-up of the Week!":

Xbox: Left, Left, Left, B, A
PS2: Left, Left, Left, X, O
GameCube: not supported...

BIG TIME KOREAN UPDATE!

2005-12-12T22:25:00.000-05:00

Since Badlogik claims I remiss my Korean background, I have a declaration to make...

There is a new Korean gaming site that offers FREE (beta) games. Supposedly it's a "non-profit" organization... Though the site is shoddy in it's translation (?), it is oddly stylistic...? The site, GAME & GAME, is put together very nice... The ultimate goal of this site is to bridge the hemispheres. The only real Korean gaming entity that showed it's mustard is the booming NCSoft. They still have the "Ultima" weapon in LORD BRITISH. I find it similar to the land of Mordor with Sauron building his armies in secret... The game genres include a heavy MMO roster with most of the MMO's being hybrids. There are the mundanely titled, "ACTION" games which actually look spectacular and even a couple baseball titles. The Korean style is present and very slick.

With a controller this could be amazing...
*cough* XBOX LIVE!!! *cough*

They are of course all PC only with some technological "needs"... There is plenty of potential and I feel that Korean games will have a breakthrough, although it's not going to happen over night. But things are looking promising with the originality of these titles and the upcoming consoles as well as the ongoing PC legacy...

ON A SIDE NOTE: I was using Sm@ck's PC while posting this update... 28 min. into the update, his MoZilla SHITFOX locked up with the goddamn "(not responding)"! I lost it all... Right when I went to "Save as Draft"... MOTHERFUCKER! I don't know whom to blame, TurdZilla or Microsoft...

2D Halo for Fans, by Fans

2005-12-12T19:17:00.000-05:00

Straight off the heels of my H8LO 2 post, there comes word of a fan made game that just reached completion. HALO ZERO incorporates many aspects of the original Halo into a 2D shooter and remains suprisingly faithful somehow. And when I say suprisingly faithful, I mean it has some of the same animations, like Master Chief's melee... I played it briefly just to see whether it was a waste of hard drive space or if it was actually done well and I have come to the conclusion that it is indeed worthy of the 23 or some odd megs. Oddly, there is also a multiplayer mode, which I haven't tried yet, but it includes staple Halo 1 maps such as Derelict and Hang 'em High (which were sorely missed in Halo 2)...

VERY ENTERTAINING...

UPDATE: I played through a couple of levels and it keeps interesting with use of other weapons such as the rocket launcher and the sniper rifle... also you can stick people with plasma grenades which is pretty sweet. I also dabbled a bit with the multiplayer (by myself...) and I think that it has the possibility to be cool (between friends most likely... *cough* *cough*)

HALO 2 = H8LO 2 = HateLO 2

2005-12-12T00:00:00.000-05:00

Recently I've been becoming increasingly fed up with Halo 2. Some people who know me might say that I have had my fill... This is not the case however... There are several things that really irritate me. In no particular order these include (but are not limited to)...

Lack of Teamwork: Sometimes you begin a match with players whom have their seperate agendas, such as going commando in a heavily guarded enemy stronghold, grabbing a weapon which has already been "claimed" by another player, or misuse of vehicles.
Belligerent "Shit-Talking": For the most part, I can take "shit-talking", God knows I love dishing it out but there is a limit to what leads to being offensive and what keeps things competitive. Some things just shouldn't be said... There is a far range but some people take it too far. Hell, teabags don't make me as mad as some of the shit I hear...
Racism: People are quick to pull out the racism card. Are the majority of people really racist? It's not just white on black either, IT'S EVERYBODY! The sick part is a lot of "younger" players use it way too easily...
Underage Players: These players who, as well as being VERY IMMATURE, are also "illegally" playing this game. I've played with some very young players (1o yrs.), WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE PARENTS?!?
Bad Attitudes: Nothing gets me heated faster that sitting in the pre-game lobby and hearing people who talk shit on their own teammates. This usually leads to a game full of team-killing or quitting, both which I hate. Also any singing, yelling, screaming or excessive rapping annoys the FUCK out of me!
Auto-Aim: Mostly with the Battle Rifle and Sniper Rifle, it really wouldn't be all that bad if Bungie didn't push...
Battle Rifle Start: This turns the game into a shootout with some of the other weapons being rarely used. Some people claim it brings Halo 2 step closer to Halo 1, where I feel it brings Halo 2 step closer to shit!
The "Combo": Also known as BR/PP combo, the "Noob" combo, "Nub" combo... The Battle Rifle and Plasma Pistol needs to be toned down as it is very overpowered. I still don't see how it takes skill as many players refute. I hate using it as a last resort, although I dominate with it...
Shitty Teammates: You can't really control this but people should try to stay competitive and keep their head out of their asses as many people take this game seriously. Some of the strategies are so basic, I wonder if people have any kind of problem solving skills...
Cheaters (various types): This means Modders, De-Levelers, Super-Jumpers, Standbyers, etc., etc. Why do people cheat? To sit through 2-4 min. in the pre-game lobby, only to play the actual game for 30 seconds before people quit just for a fucking imaginary number (rank)? WHOOPEE! They didn't earn it and they shave hours off of their lives by "playing" a game that they are actually not even playing... DUMB FUCKS!
Being Host: The host has the best connection in the game, which means he has an advantage against everyone else. With some of the power weapons (or even the shotgun or BR), this makes it VERY unfair.

Although I still think this game to be entertaining there are some things that could be fixed without restricting the gameplay. The MatchMaking, which is constantly being billed as a pitfall of the game, is ingeniuous. I really enjoy it as it brings a somewhat competitive element to the game. But what is inevitably going to happen is that either MatchMaking or Proximity Voice is going to be dropped which sucks in both cases. As for the auto-aim, it just needs to toned down and the seeking ability of the Plasma Pistol needs to be taken down a notch... or eight. I mean the green blast really is ridiculous. The cheating, which is diminished, should not be tolerated with some kind of more strict policy against cheaters and maybe even getting the law involved against people who abuse the system with a modded XBOX (which is illegal). Racism?, should not be tolerated. Maybe have some sort of ranking system or include moderators or having dedicated gamers having more powerful feedback or something, geez, I don't know... get one of those Microsoft "big-wigs" on it to figure it out. One thing is for sure... racism and cheating should be handled with the utmost urgency as I feel these are the 2 BIGGEST problem with XBOX LIVE. Maybe ban IP addresses, force players to sit out "X" amount of matches? In relation to underage gamers, I think the increasing legality of the video game ratings system will regulate that somewhat, but it should also be kept under a watchful eye. But all in all, Halo 2 harbors so much hate, something must be done.

As I feel my time with Halo 2 is reaching it's end, I can't help to feel that I don't want to depart with it and that I need a new online game to play. I could play Halo 2 longer if they (Bungie) ironed out a few more of the kinks but I think that there is no chance this generation which is another reason that I am so eager to jump to XBOX 360... I guess we will have to wait and see...

REFUTATION: I must admit that H8LO 2 does offer me some kind of anger release but I would enjoy it more if the community didn't seem to be more diminished (intellectually) everytime that I picked up and played...

Non-Pornographic Fun with a Camera...

2005-12-11T19:55:00.000-05:00

Today after receiving a great deal of snow, I figured it would be a hell of an opportunity to take some pics. Just a couple of pics from Frick Park and around the neighborhood...

The apartment...

Snow-covered...

"Please... finish my friend..."

"Winter Wonderland"

...more snow

Nice Pic!

SNOW(Bench + Garbage Can) = Art?

Messing with "depth"...

Trying to be cinematic...

"What's in those woods?"

~Night Scene~

The Steelers' Snowy Sunday

2005-12-11T18:58:00.000-05:00

Thank the G-man! The Steelers snap Da Bears 8 game winning streak with a 21-9 victory. Basically we (with a little help from the snow) shut down Da Bears signature defense while our offense put us in the lead. Unfortunately for Da Bears, their offense cannot produce points and their defense, which was shattered, was not a factor in the game. Now we pretty much need every team to lose while we win our last three and then we can make the wildcard... Please?!?

"Making the donuts..."

...My roommate, GR8WHITEHYPE, claims that any true Steelers fan will know what the caption means...

Masters of Horror: Deer Woman

2005-12-11T00:10:00.000-05:00

Episode 7:
Deer Woman by John Landis (American Werewolf in London, Animal House, 3 Amigos, Coming to America, Innocent Blood [filmed in Pittsburgh])
A series of obscure murders take place where the victims die in a "state of arousal" (read: boner). The weird thing (besides the boner)... they are reduced to pulp, literally. The story is actually pretty engaging and it plays off of the humorous aspect of horror with a couple of plot "spikes". It's pretty cool and the pacing is swift and solid. Based off of an old Native American folk tale with a few twists (not to be spoiled...), the premise is that a mysterious, Native American woman has sex with men and then the men in turn, die in a most unnatural way. Her "lure"?... The Deer Woman is HOT! I mean she is really hot, and she gets topless (+1 pt.). I wouldn't mind dying in a state of arousal if she was the cause.
8/10

Richard Pryor dies at 65

2005-12-10T22:48:00.000-05:00

My first encounter with Pryor was in the 1983 movie, Superman 3. Although many people discredit the movie for several reasons, this film was oddly distinctive to me when I was in my larval stage. Even to this day I feel the scene where the evil woman is made into a robot might have driven my obsession over fusing metal with flesh (ala Terminator). It was so terrifying... Also they try to take Superman out with a missle system that operated like a video game (IS THAT HOW THAT SHIT WORKS?!?). But finally, it's the day that Richard Pryor saves Superman's ass. Badlogik and I have an ongoing conversation of "how I think Superman sucks, and how he thinks he is one of the best characters ever created". So now I can lay the argument to waste: That's how sorry Superman is... needs to be saved by a comedian.
But... Pryor was primarily known for his racially motivated comedic performances. Some might claim in fact being a racist himself... In my opinion he gave people at that time a gritty, "down to earth" joke that happened to be fueled by racism. Maybe one of the few instances of racism being used for good... Did I just say that? But, he hit something at a time when it needed to be hit and he made bank off of it... big ups! He even became a pop culture icon...

Who's the bigger iconic figure?: Superman or Pryor?

OMG YESSSSSSTH!!!

2005-12-09T23:46:00.000-05:00

This makes my pants region so excited. A BIG BUFF MAN AND A KATAMARI BALL!!!... imagine the possibilities... if you excuse me now I'm going to go and hop throughout the clouds and slide on my big rainbow!

Vivendi Pwned?

2005-12-09T23:18:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I posted something about an email I received involving Vivendi Universal and how they had a little hissy fit about a fan game being made using the King's Quest "universe". They had ordered them to cease the production of King's Quest IX. Personally I am done with this series (unless the latest iteration receives rave reviews), but I was enamored with it as a younger man (boy). It pioneered a new genre amongst the standard fare games of it's time. It was the beginning of Sierra, although recently being done by other companies. I can't say I played it all that much. I tried to again when computers were more fashionable, but usually I just watched and suggested as Badlogik used to play... But anyways... just recently they (SAVEKQIX.ORG) announced that they have come to an agreement with Vivendi and the 1st chapter in the new adventure is due to be released in early 2006. I think this is a huge "win". I wish the best...

...very reminiscent of the early titles...

R.I.P.

2005-12-08T23:52:00.000-05:00

R.I.P.

The Walking Corpse pt1

2005-12-08T13:56:00.000-05:00

BOB BARKER:

For this segment I figured I'd do a little research...

Bob Barker spent most of his early life on an American Indian reservation in South Dakota after his fater died when he was 6. He later joined the Navy and later returned to finish school to prepare for radio. He landed his first gig on TV for a show called Truth and Consequences and hosted for 18 years. During this time in his spare time he trained with his master (Chuck Norris) earning a black belt in Karate and a red belt in Tang Soo Do. It was also during this time when he established his reign as a daytime TV host pimp. Later he abandoned meat and the soliciting of furs and animals products when he became an animal activist. In later years he moved to a newer show called The Price is Right. Astonishingly enough, there he still remains, looking very old. More recently however he received cybernetic implants to his legs, arms, torso, and sexual organs.

So let's recap...

Has possible tomahawk and bow skills as well as nature surviving skills (creating fire, etc.)
Had a brief stint in the Navy where he might of encountered pirates and thus defeating them
Trained with Norris-san and is dually trained in two deadly arts as well as knowing the secret of the "ball-tap of death"
During his "pimpdom", has mastered the "motion" in the "ocean"
Robotic enhancements that make him... superior :(
Charismatic TV personalitly (even in his undead form)
And although we can't attribute his prolonged life to vampirism (animal activist), it can only mean one thing: Zombie.

So, in retrospect, Bob Barker is a... Charming, Cybernetically enhanced, American Indian-Ninja-Zombie Pimp who talks, walks, pimps, saves cute little animals, and hosts on the land, the sea, and TV while possibly destroying pirates with his deadly "ball-tap" manuever.

...damn him...

Threat Level: 94%

circa 1803

Content Pirate

2005-12-08T10:21:00.000-05:00

I know what you're thinking... that I am an unoriginal bastard, but the GIJOE clips are actually from another site anyway but in a different format on EBAUM's WORLD, so it's easier to link (or outright steal)). But I think that these videos warranted viewings...

GIJOE:
ICE SKATING ACCIDENT
PORK CHOP SANDWICHES
JPN?!?

...many, many more

And finally, for someone who spends an infinite amount of time on the 'net but who is ultimately looking for that special somebody...

CYBER-LOVAH

switch-a-roo

2005-12-07T16:37:00.000-05:00

Halo 2 received a playlist update on Tuesday. Removing Major Clanmatch, while leaving Minor Clanmatch may upset some but the ante has been bumped up to 5 on 5 max. which sounds like it could be really exciting... I need a clan. There is a 6v6 option now and the little played Head-to-Head has been dropped (BOO!). And finally they start showing the numbers that were before hidden for the ranks in Snipers. But the best part is the 2 totally new playlists that are included in the update... Rumble Armory (all 1 weapon matches) and my new unranked playlist (de-throned MultiTeam), Team Actionsack. Team Actionsack is a playlists that mixes up gametypes completely and is very NON-traditional. Yesterday "me and da crew" were playing "Shwatguns", which is all shotguns with no shield but damage resistance turned on. It's cool to see just what you can do as there is a LITTLE leeway.

This brings me to a point of how Bungie is trying to constantly keep things fresh and somewhat shape Halo 2 through the times of staleness. Truth be told though, I still like the traditional play but I like that change of pace as well...

Greatest Games of All Time: Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain

2005-12-06T01:23:00.000-05:00

Games that are fun usually do well commercially... Commercially successful games are usually granted a sequel... Sometimes games produce sequels that depart from the original game. These sequels sometimes become exactly what the original game was not... horrible, thus ruining the franchise. A prime example of this was a game that was released in the infancy of Playstation. Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain (notice that Legacy of Kain is a subtitle) was a game that deserved so much more. A game that surely showed promise. In the early days of 3-D gaming this title, developed by Silicon Knights!, went against the grain with use of 2-D. This game resembled a solid titleon the SNES with the exception that it used a shitload of voice-overs. Although hindered by "early Playstation" style and horrid FMV, the game delivered by way of gameplay, which was a combination of Zelda and Diablo, and adult content. The game starts off when you, Kain, is abruptly killed and you strike a deal with some sort of wizard to invoke revenge in the world of the living. Being sent back there is a twist... you are turned to a vampire. Being hated by everyone, literally, you seek out to destroy the people who ruined you. Throughout the game you would learn abilities such as metamorphisis (bat/wolf) and you would obtain different weapons as well as choosing to suck the blood of EVERYONE including "innocents". This game balanced innovation (read: early adult content: blood, beheadings, etc.), gameplay, and a storyline better than most games of it's generation on the PSone. It's a shame that the sequels drove this franchise into the ground...

BOOYAKASHA: 8.0

Red vs Blue

2005-12-06T00:39:00.000-05:00

The first machinima I have ever watched features characters from... surprise... Halo. I've never seen any others and being the Halo fanboy I am, I decided to see what it was all about.

Red vs. Blue involves the misadventures of two factions: red team and blue team. Each team consists of some of the dumbest, most illogical people to ever work in a deep space canyon assigned with the duty of watching another army of the opposite color (blue is understood as the opposite of red, right?). The conversations they have are fucking hilarious! Red team tries to have some sort of organization as they do have a designated leader (Sarge), who has a "Texan" accent and is the gung-ho, "brains of the operation". Second in charge is the ass kisser, Simmons, and following in no particular order is Grif, which is the wise ass, and Donut who is the highlight, IMO, of the red squad. Although they are the Red team, their armor color ranges from standard issue red to pink (or light red as Donut refers to himself...) They do have in their possession a jeep with a turret, the "puma", and a spanish only speaking robot, Lopez. The blue faction is comprised of a leaderless bunch. There is Tucker, Church, Caboose (fucking funny and dumb as fuck), and Sheila... their tank. All they do is argue with Caboose always adding the dumbest comment. Later a couple characters are added to the ensemble, including O'Malley, an evil, diablolically planning madman and a freelancer who joins blue, Tex. Their misadventures all remain very funny with alot of mischief going on. It pretty much involves a shitload of conversations that involve babbling, arguing, and one-liners.

The production quality remains high throughout with a wildly imaginative storyline and alot of arguements. Several things keep it fresh (aside from the action). The use of the different camera angles as well as the actual different animations in the game make sure that nothing turns stale. The first 2 seasons use Halo 1 while midway through season 3 they switch over to Halo 2. A must see, if your into Halo multiplayer and a must checkout if you are into comedy and video games.

Masters of Horror: Homecoming

2005-12-04T21:06:00.000-05:00

Episode 6:
Homecoming by Joe Dante (Pirahna, Gremlins, Gremlins 2: The New Batch)
Dead men (read: zombies) come back from a war in the middle east to vote. These dead men (read: zombies) walk, talk, and reason with people while even letting some live. There is a underlying story which I won't spoil but I was utterly turned off by the dead men (read: zombies). What the fuck are they doing to the "zombie"? The only thing that I did dig was that these dead men (read: zombies) were working against politicians (+1 pt.) And it also features some scenes with some sexual activity (+1 pt.). Still... overall this episode stinks...
4/10

...after watching the last 2 episodes (the last 2 episodes were shit) I would have to say that I still have a tremendous amount of faith left in the series. Anyone who is a horror buff knows that for the most part with the horror genre that it is usually hit or misses. The horror genre actually has no defined line as there are many different sub-genres. It spans from near-sci-fi to crazed erotica. I am still excited that a series was created that features collaborations with some of the hottest names in horror AND the series is only half over. I know it will pick up and it might dip off again throughout the next 7 shows... that's just how the horror genre goes... and I'm OK with that...

3 game losing streak...

2005-12-04T20:55:00.000-05:00

Steelers lose again... What the "F"?!? We started off doing so good this year and now we are going to have to scramble to make the playoffs... Ben threw for almost 400 yds, too bad he had 3 INTs. I'm fucking pissed... How can we be on a losing streak?!? I'm so mad... So close, it was 38-31 with 2 minutes left and plenty of time-outs and we had possession... Fucking penalties and sacks...

Shouldn't you be working you old fuck!

Adolescent Adventures in Gaming:

2005-12-04T18:42:00.000-05:00

.
..
...
.... When the Nintendo Entertainment System first released it released with a a controller which had a directional pad and two buttons: "B" and "A". The weird thing to me is that obviously the directional pad controls the "character", but "B" and "A" were the action buttons with "B" usually being the action and "A" being the jump. So in retrospect, any game that had a jump feature mapped the jump function to the "A" button. This revelation made many games easily and readily playable to me as the learning curve was already cut down somewhat because of this technological breakthrough. In Super Mario Bros., "B" was run or fireball, "A" was jump. Castlevania? "B" was the whip and "A" was the jump... This followed suit in nearly every game. Is it that jump is a secondary tactic? Is it not as important? Is it that the "A" button is strategically placed in prime position to be hit repeatedly? On the Gamecube they made the "A" button the centerpiece for the right side of the controller, finally giving it props! The funny thing is that after over 15 years I still use "A" to jump in Halo 2...

TRIBUTE!: REAL MEN

2005-12-04T17:21:00.000-05:00

When he's not carrying and transporting his cargo of pigs on the "Pork Chop Express", Jack Burton is entangled in some ancient asian mythical hijinx. Back in the mid 80's he probably had his greatest adventure. His interests include Fan Tan (a chinese dominoes game), Asian "massage" parlors, and knife fights with super-natural thousand year old, god-like beings from China. Living up to his reputation as a "real man", Burton sports a mullet, wears a tank top, drives a truck, drinks, fights, argues, acts tough, spits out "one-liners" and chases the ladies (the green eyed ones too!). He is skilled in bad disguises and phony accents along with catching knives barehanded (only to throw it back afterwards). Although not too efficient with an uzi, his strengths lie in not so much his intelligence but more in his luck, which can be attributed to drinking magic potions (or being the only white dude who doesn't know any better).

Let's do this...

Useless Information: Big Trouble In Little China transpired from the screenplay of the sequel of The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension. Buckaroo Banzai is a cult movie which I have never seen but I want to badly, and now that I know more about it's origens, I think I will have a "hard-drive" to find it...

LETDOWN 360

2005-12-04T00:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of playing the Xbox 360 extensively. At HungKilla's house I sat with it for 3.5 hours and I walked away a little less than impressed. The console itself doesn't look all that bad. I might be convinced to buy a faceplate if they come out with a decent one however, but not because the system is ugly but simply put... it could be a cool way to add some style to the 360. I've already praised the controllers (although I've only used wired ones), and I truly believe that they are the best console contollers yet. The whole software interface is amazing with the ring of light being very impressive as it shows who is trying to change what options with which controller. It also notifies you with a really cool trendy pop-up in the bottom of the screen whenever signs on. The LIVE button is very cool and is similar to pressing "Y" to bring up your friends list in Halo 2. You press it and it immediately supplies you with options from online to certain console features... very cool... For the most part load times are the same you see on this generation... On to the games...

(all games were played on a HD set)

Project Gotham Racing 3: The first time I've played a PGR game and I have to say that I wasn't too impressed. I understand that with the 3rd and newest one they are trying to close the gap to realism and get away from the arcade racer origens. The game, however, doesn't look real. That's not to say some aspects don't look realistic but this game has it's own style with a little whiff of realism. The graphics are very nice though... and smooth. When I say smooth I do mean the coveted 60 fps. The whole time I played the game I did think that I would rather be playing either the next-gen Gran Turismo or BurnOut though. Not to say the game was bad but I'm not really into racing games unless they are GT or BurnOut. Truth be told though... this game looked very good and sounded very good, and I'm sure it played nice but nothing that screams "killer app"... and not my type of game...

Madden 2006: I was looking extremely forward to this sports title as people on the internet have been saying it looks good and the screenshots looked good. THIS GAME LOOKS LIKE SHIT! When you actually watch the action on the field it doesn't look bad at all. The animations look smooth, the character models look good, stadiums look sweet... the game looks nice. But up close... UGH! The faces especially look crappy. I would say that the best player on each team looks about 80% faithful and the rest look like blocks with facial features... Next to the playability... I already knew they took out all the mini-games but I was never prepared to the game taking a step back gameplay-wise. I can honestly say the timing and the way all the animations (altough high quality) come together, it FEELS just like any Madden on PSone. I'M SERIOUS... it's very weird... The gameplay feels awkward in a way that is very reminiscent of the Quarterback Club series or a few steps back from the first NFL 2k on Dreamcast... I can't believe it... If anything, the only thing this game prooves is that there is promise for the future of this series. The only reason I'm knocking it is the fact that there should be no reason for taking a step behind current-gen systems even if it is to take 2 steps forward next year... In my opinion... this game doesn't even warrant a buy... UGH!

Perfect Dark Zero: Ahh... the game I wanted the 360 for... I've already posted impressions but I finally had some intimate time with it. It feels alot different to play this game at a house rather than an EB Games... So anyways... I played a little of the multiplayer mode (with bots) with HungKilla. Overall the impressions I got from the second "sit down" were alot better. The graphics still look sweet (debatable) and it runs just as smooth splitscreen as it does fullscreen. Of course some of the effects are cut down on the splitscreen but it still looks very nice. My problem with the game is that although "they" preach that it's so much different than the rest but it basically is a Quake type shooter that allows alot more bullets before you die. Plus I hate the weapon system (not the inventory) as the weapons (while different and refreshing...) as placed throughout the level like it is done in UT or Quake. It's just a giant deathmatch and the game is so forgiving in the "life" sense that you can run and gun and you will probably live past ALOT of bullets. This game is a mindless shooter. I will try to play more and see if I can get into it but I won't be into it and I will constantly bash it. It's not all that fun and the announcer is FUCKING HORRID! NOT THE KILLER APP!!!

So all in all the system has so much potential although no developer wants to use it quite yet... I am beginning to think that the first solid game might be DOA4 (which looks awesome BTW...). People that swear by and say that the titles for the 360 are some of the best of the year are fucking nuts and merely tools of the early adoption game. Nobody wants to admit that their rare and hardly attainable piece of hardware is in fact worthless. Now I'm not saying that I don't want a 360. I will buy one at my first available moment. I could get into some of the games that are out but I must admit that the games are NOT worth buying the system for but there is so much potential (HALO 3!?!) that eventually the system will really show what it can do...

HARDWARE = VERY COOL
SOFTWARE = A FUCKIN' JOKE!

Guitar Hero Club

2005-12-03T23:45:00.000-05:00

1st Rule of Guitar Hero Club:
YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT GUITAR HERO CLUB
2nd Rule of Guitar Hero Club:
YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT GUITAR HERO CLUB

In my ideal world there would be an underground circuit of freelance Guitar Hero champions whom duel it out every Friday and Saturday night. It would have to be a subterrainian, morlock-esque cult because of the fact that the "top-siders" would shun these "artists" while they tried to express themselves. These "Titans of Technologically-Enhanced Playstation 2 Peripherals" would then have a battling out of a few songs on Guitar Hero and then the loser would have to commit ritual suicide in order to not disgrace his family name...

Seriously, the content that follows this sentence is not to be used to discriminate against the parties in the video but rather to show how bad-ass Guitar Hero is...

(switch the size to 640 on Putfile)

Killer Queen by Queen (performed by myself)

Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand (performed by myself)

You've Got Another Thing Comin' by Judas Priest (performed by myself)

Godzilla by Blue Oyster Cult (performed by myself)

Spanish Castle Magic by Jimmy Hendrix (performed by Creepster)

DAMN WE ARE FUCKIN' GEEKS!

ramblings...

2005-12-03T12:33:00.000-05:00

Massive update brewing... will be worth the wait, plus a few topics more and possibly a G.G.O.A.T. entry as well as a few others... and more!!!

Think Guitar Hero Videos and MASSIVE XBOX360 impressions...

Cheap Gamer 2.0

2005-12-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

(click to enlarge)...

you dolt!

Masters of Horror: Chocolate

2005-11-30T18:10:00.000-05:00

Episode 5:
Chocolate by Mick Garris (controlled R2-D2 at public viewings... I'm serious)
A man gets "hallucinations" which he later discovers is the reality in the life of a woman in a different location. He eventually falls in love with her and witnesses something that would bind a secrecy and relationship between them. WORST ONE SO FAR! Although this isn't true horror, yet merely a paranormal situation a man gets caught into. +1 for hot girl masterbating with a showerhead...
5/10

ramblings...

2005-11-30T17:44:00.000-05:00

My journey through HalfLife 2 is going better than expected... I'm about 6 hours in and the only fault I can really merit the game with is the fact that it has to be even better on the PC. It's a shame they didn't release this on XBOX360 as I hear there are some problems with playing it on Microsoft's new console... I think this title could be expanded into different genres and different versions... A stand alone arcade version would be cool... hmmm... What if?...

...oh, wait... there is one all of a sudden... IN JAPAN!!! Details are sketchy but it is HalfLife 2 and it has a bad-ass arcade setup with weird controls!!!

Deathmatch?

weird controls...

Pedals?

How do you play?!?

Kick-ass graphics...

I love the environments...

Whatever happened to MSRP?

2005-11-29T14:45:00.000-05:00

JCPenney has some Xbox 360's in stock...

...too bad they are $800.00 for the premium...

8-BIT

2005-11-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

1.) X360 shortage is still prominent. Supposedly it's going to be worldwide... YES!!!(sarcasm) People are anticipating the second shipment, and I am as well. HungKilla got it and 4 games... the games are PD0, PGR3, Tony Hawk: America's Wasteland, and Madden 2006. Although all the games are mediocre, I want to play Madden, Project Gotham Racing, and of course PD0. From what I hear PD0 follows the Halo model: Shitty Campaign, but stellar online play... :( ... I WANT THIS...

2.) Creepster has in his possession a copy of Guitar Hero. No longer will I have to play this game (song after song) at EB while mobs of 12 year olds watch and patiently wait their turn. First song played when I get it in my grasp?: Blue Oyster Cult: Godzilla!

3.) May 9th 2006, is the day Nintendo will unveil the system formally known as the Revolution. This contraption is bound to fail. In a way, Nintendo seems to be abandoning traditional gaming opting for an "interactive experience". Now, I don't consider myself a Nintendo fanboy. I hate the N64 for some reason. I never played through a Zelda or Mario game on it. I can't stand the graphical syle on most of those games. Bad framerates, VERY blurry textures, pop-in. It was like when they released the system, it was already inferior. But all that said... I still always will be a Nintendo fanboy. SNES and before, even Gameboy, Nintendo delivered. They innovated all the gameplay and graphics. Even to this day you can still play the games of that era. Generally, all the people I talk to claim the SEGA Genesis was superior... WHAT THE FUCK are they smoking?!?... ok...
...so back to the "Revolution" in gaming... I will like it... I've never seen a system with a game that I wanted so badly I didn't "own" it. I know I will own a "Revolution". But it will definitely fail. I think it will offer some cool "Only on Nintendo" features, but it will fail. They are trying to convert all the user base into a new, unforeseeable future which not many people want to take it. The Nintendo franchises are really going to be twisted by a new play "gimmick" or a weird, funky controller. But it might be ok because you get THE OFFICIAL NINTENDO EMULATOR. It might become the Rolls Royce of those little "plug-in TV" toys that seem to be blossoming everywhere. It might be great... but it will fail. For me I feel the same feeling as Shigeru is feeling... the need to give the ultimate Nintendo gift to their loyal followers before they announce their departure from hardware to software ala SEGA. In a way it's a way for some big name corporation to buy them (EA, Microsoft). tell them to shut the fuck up, make the games, and pump them out every fiscal year... As a fan I'm cheering them on eyes teared up, as I watch them crash their "ship" directly into the sun... NINTENDO IS THE SHIT!!!

4.) I don't know why but I feel the need to play 50 Cent: Bulletproof. I know nothing about the game except it is probably your standard fare beater, with decent main character model, awesome beats, mediocre action, with horrid camera system... You can peg these games from a mile away. That said, I know it has a bad-ass audio track, and it's controversial.

5.) DOA4 just got delayed for the Japanese launch (as well as US already). This game looks very good. At first I was just googling over the female "Master Chief". But after I actually watched gameplay, it was very intriguing. The multi-tiered fighting arenas are all interactive, and destructable... I never really played any DOA games just a few matches here and there but I never learned the underlying gameplay of this fighter... this will be my 2nd game purchased when I get the 360.
But Microsoft has been pissing alot of people upset lately, including me. But we as gamers will take it, buy the system when we can and take it like a fucking bitch... call it an addiction...

6.) My recent addiction to HalfLife 2 was halted when I played through a "ZombieTown"... they were headcrab zombies but come on, they're still zombies!!! It was kind of creepy with the sounds of muffled screaming... Very cool, but must....progress....

7.) I've been reading a lot of Batman comics recently. Today I finished The Killing Joke. It was very stylistic with a carnival themed Joker and it surely is bizarre. But it also tells the origens of Joker, and you somehow feel bad for him for a second. The ending is cool, but it definitely in some kind of alternate Batman universe. Also they played Batman on some secondary television channel (TBS maybe). I mean THE BATMAN by Tim Burton. Michael Keaton portrays one hell of a Batman. I haven't seen this movie for over half a decade and I was reciting lines like I watched it yesterday! I was so proud of myself. Jack Nicholson does Joker... AMAZING...

8.) Steelers lose! - MOTHERFUCKA!

My "Thanksgiving Vacation"

2005-11-25T23:59:00.000-05:00

As soon as I got off work on Wed., I went home and did laundry for the big drinking night and for a few days, while I was taking a little trip back to my dad's. Then I proceeded to get SHITFACED! Had a "tea" at the Draft House, drank a few beers and an "Irish carbomb" at Sonny's. It was fun to that point but then we traversed back to J. Coles in Cal and got annihilated. I strolled with an old Friend, Creepster to McHoe's wrassled up Smack and Boris, had 2 more beers there... threw a bottle in the alleyway (MWAHAHAHA) moved the posse back to J. Coles for a few beers and schemed up an "after party". Fortunately enough we had a decent location back at Creepster's pad. At the spot Smack and I chatted it up about a ridiculously funny movie of Anchorman which is fucking insanely hilarious. Will Farrell is a genius and is a hell of an actor. We drank some more (Bob was there), and some stupid beyotches (I use the term loosely), came over and but I wanted something else... HALO! By this time I was so intoxicated that I could bearly hold a bottle of beer and was just plain, dame sloppy... But at Creepster's we had him and I as well as Bob, and some random girl (whom later left) getting ready to play Halo, well, not the girl. We played and it was good. Creepster got a killtacular early with 31 kills, and I did pretty good as well. I had a really good fucking time! But there was something that supplied the energy for the slaughtering of bastards on XBOX LIVE, GUNTHER. Gunther is some kind of either: true (or comedic?!?) euro-techno-club-sexual-80's like-Gucci-love ...music? It is very weird but reminds me of like Ali G or Borat, if the singer is indeed joking, which I'm not sure if he is... maybe... LISTEN TO THE DING DONG SONG! It's so fucking funny but done so well, like the coveted Group X! I was so drunk I was in a false reality of sloppy speech and total euphoria... It was sweet! But as 6 rolled around I felt the couch calling my name... I put in The Life Aquatic (Criterion Edition mind you) and passed the "F" out... That night/morning I dreamt to the lovely little tunes such as a Portuguese version of David Bowie's "Man on the Moon". It was a fucking decent-ass night and I'm glad me and Creepster are friends once again...

10:37AM: WAKE THE "F" UP, feel like hell, then roll to my dad's house. Hung out there, showed my dad HalfLife 2 for the XBOX since he's a fucking gamer all of a sudden (sweet!), and then check out his new house in B-ville. It's pretty cool, it reminds me of the houses they used in Night of the Living Dead, which definitely isn't a bad thing. Went to crush food at Intoxicant's house but he was working and then passed the fuck out after eating. Woke up, watched bits and pieces of a movie that was eerily similar to a theatrical copy of Jarhead. Went back to my dad's house, went to Smack's to play NBA 2kwhateverthefuck, came back to my dad's and out like a turd on suds (makes no sense whatsoever) by 2:15.

YEA!!! BLACK FRIDAY!!!

4:37AM: Wake the fuck up and hit Black Friday! 12 degrees and colder than a witch's titty (as my dad likes to say)... we stood in line at Staple for a monitor or 2 and skated out to Monroeville where I saw the Mall (Dawn of the Dead was filmed there) went to a couple retailers, denied XBOX 360 multiple times and came home to sleep... for 3 hrs...
2:00PM: Run some errands, eat another Thanksgiving meal, saw an old friend, Dave Mendo, chatted it up went to Creepster's, played Halo 2, lost numerous times AND did horrible, and now I'm currently updating the ol' blog... Drive home, rinse, wash, repeat tomorrow...

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-24T11:10:00.000-05:00

On this day, a few hundred years ago, Pilgrims gathered on Plymouth Rock congregated for the harvest and celebrated. Allegedly they also celebrated with the American Indian, whom they shared the harvest with... at least that's what I was taught in my elementary studies. Naw, son... there is no way in hell it went down like that.

But today, we celebrate for a few days. The night before is widely regarded to as the "Biggest Bar Night" in the year, where people get entirely sloshed and feel like shit in the morning (it's 11:15am and that's where I am now). The actual day itself which includes eating (usually with family or pirates), napping, and football. Then there is "Black Friday", which sounds like it could potentially be one of the coolest holidays on the Wiccan calendar, but it's easily the biggest shopping day of the year, where people start shopping insanely early to get the unattainable item for someone for Xmas (Xbox 360?).

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

BTW: PREDICTIONS
Denver vs. Dallas: Dallas
Atlanta vs. Detroit: Atlanta

Batman: #608-619

2005-11-23T01:00:00.000-05:00

Also known as "Hush", I have heard about this "series" but I never indulged myself into it. The big draw of the series is that is drawn by Jim Lee. Jim Lee will always hold a special place in my heart as he was the artist that "turned" the X-men into what they are today (at least in my eyes). I honestly do not know if he had any say in the stories of the Uncanny X-men when I was younger but he did all the artwork during my favorite series in X-men: the Extinction Agenda... In a way it revitalized and "renewed" the whole franchise... but anyway...

The series is pretty much a way to pack as many classic Batman villians into a comic as possible and explores alternate takes on situations in Batman's life such as his fondness for Catwoman, his past "Robins", his guilt over the death of the original Robin, the death of his parents and his relationship with Alfred and others (including Superman). He also quarrels with himself and contemplates killing criminals as he usually does. It's amazing, but with the character of Batman, there are so many re-occurring themes but it seems with each take it is just as fresh as the original.

The Batman featured in this story is technologically enhanced with many allies who also help him out through his many fights and *gasp* asswhoopings... It really is astounding how many times Batman gets nearly killed in all his comics, but once again... remains fresh... It's too hard to talk about this without giving too much away so I will just say that for the artwork alone, it is worth peeping. At times I felt there was more ink than blank space on the page. There is no tradeoff with the storyline however as it always keeps you guessing and really lives up to the "detective" part of the whole Batman visage...

Recap:
1.) Awesome story
2.) Bad-ass artwork
3.) High production quality
4.) Shitload of Batman villains
5.) Batman (P.S.: Batman kicks ass...)

8.75/10

Impressions: Half-Life 2

2005-11-22T23:28:00.000-05:00

Real quick: I'm impressed with how it looks and plays... It's amazing they have brought this over to Xbox. It really feels like a world that you are walking around in and the textures are low-res and the framerate is usually 30 but does dip below but it's a real treat...

Aw shit...

2005-11-21T22:41:00.000-05:00

16-13 Baltimore in overtime...
We are going to have a rough game next Monday, it's going to be a good game, a rough game...

NOOOOOOOOO!

Next week?

In the Zone!

2005-11-21T21:04:00.000-05:00

When you put up stats like THIS, people claim you cheat...

New Red vs. Blue episode (67).

Time to hone my skills some more...

Fatal Attraction...

2005-11-21T18:06:00.000-05:00

Reports are now coming in explaining the reason why Hideo Kojima (Kojima Productions) abruptly decided to take the head in production of his new installment in the series, Metal Gear Solid 4. He received death threats... That is really fucked up and seeing how the MGS series isn't all that wildly popular in Japan... it was probably an American... The death threat included two demands: Firstly for none other that Hideo Kojima take the lead... And Second to incorporate the cheesiest, most ridiculous mustache that you've ever seen on a character in a video game.

...you can't be serious...

OMFG!!!!111!11! PLAY LIVE WITH ALLARD!!!

2005-11-21T17:32:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, Nov. 22nd, gamers who adopt Xbox 360 first will be clamoring in joy to find out they can play with the "man" J. Allard. If you choose PD0 or PGR3, this spectacular chance at playing with a legend happens from the hours of 5pm to 7pm!!11!!... wait... 2 stinking fucking hours? Every fanboy is going to be playing and J. Allard will play online for 2 hours. Maybe he's bored with the new system already... What a poser...

oh yea,... GAMERTAG: HiroProtagonist.

XXX!!!

"Masters of Horror"

2005-11-19T22:23:00.000-05:00

"Masters of Horror" is a series on Showtime which takes short stories and turns them into 1 hour long "movies". The series debut was on Oct. 28, but I totally forgot about it (D'oh!). The spin is that these shorts are written and directed by the "Masters of Horror". Big names get tossed around like Tobe Hooper to the Italian genius Dario Argento. After watching the first episode I was destined to watch the other episodes... Very exciting to say the least...

I will leave the stories as spoiler-free so I don't ruin any of the surprises...

Episode 1:
Incident On and Off A Mountain Road by Don Coscarelli (Bubba Ho-Tep/Phantasm/The Beastmaster)

A woman gets into an accident on a back road in the middle of nowhere. Stuck in the mountains and forest she gets stalked... I know what you're thinking, been there/done that, but NO! It is very worthy and is very creepy...
9/10

Episode 2:
Dreams in the Witch-House by Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator)

Based off of H.P. Lovecraft, this short is about a college student who moves into a old house made up of individual apartments. While there, he coaxed by a witch to sacrifice one of the other tenants baby for... a demonic ritual... Good in it's own respect but a little slow. Typical H.P. Lovecraft content.
6/10

Episode 3:
Dance of the Dead by Tobe Hooper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre [original])

VERY stylistic film with music by Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins) and starring Robert Englund ("Freddy"). Years after a nuclear holocaust, humanity is divided to communities who try to hold on to the lifestyle that was before the strikes to total anarchy (think Escape from L.A/N.Y.) A protective mother tries to "guide" her naive and secluded daughter from the juvenile youth. There are many twists and it is very disturbing/intriguing. Kind of loses itself seeming to try to push too much content in the hour timeframe, but still very good! +1 for the style...
8.5/10

Episode 4:
Jenifer by Dario Argento (Susperia, as well as contributing to many other great films of all genres)

Based on a comic book, this present day Lolita, is somewhat odd to describe. One might say it's the equivalent to a softcore porn featuring the most hideous woman ever... Others might say it's a terrifying tale of a softcore porn featuring the most hideous woman ever. SWEET!
9/10

Based so far of the first 4 shows I would have to say that the remaining 9 show tremendous promise.

Game of the Year (Spike TV)

2005-11-19T21:57:00.000-05:00

...and the winner is...

Big surprise, eh? No, not really. Think about it... released in Feb. and it still becomes GOTY. For me it might just be single-player game of the decade (I'm serious!). Besides featuring some of the most intense action sequences, frights, and boss battles (EVERY ONE IS AMAZING!), this game does it all. It really must be played to be believed. From the wide spectrum of locales and enemies, to the MANY weapons and gameplay that sucks you in for the entire game. There is never a dull moment... Did I mention this game is >15 hours long? Never before has a headshot felt SO SATISFYING! If I had to name one fault it would be that it is a Resident Evil sequel (although it bears NO resemblance, yet oddly has a distinct hint...). That's not really a bad thing but it does bring some of the Resident Evil cheesiness such as the storyline: president's daughter has been kidnapped and you have been sent to rescue her. Did I mention the game takes place in Spain, and you don't speak spanish!?!? But really, the pluses are so numerous that the minor faults aren't even really considered. This title offers so much variety and is constantly switching things up so it never becomes stagnant...

In a sick twist of irony, I bought the game the day it came out, beat it over the next month or so and gave it to Badlogik. He has yet to play the game... WTF?!?... He has the Game of the Year and he hasn't played it...

In a refutation, it's only the Spike TV awards but I'm sure it will win GOTY many more times before it's all said and done.

...look for the G.G.O.A.T. post at a later date...

I'll take it however I can get it...

2005-11-18T21:51:00.000-05:00

Closest thing you're getting to playing Master Chief on the X360...

for now...

Knitting of the Dead (1978)

2005-11-18T13:18:00.000-05:00

8-BIT

2005-11-17T22:32:00.000-05:00

1.) Star Wars + Transformers = BLASPHEMY!

2.) Apparently every RPG (enCHANT ARMS and 99 Nights) that was due at launch for Japan has been delayed. Seems like Microsoft doesn't want the X360 to do that good in the land of the rising sun... but then again most publications here in the US are bashing it so maybe they don't want it to do too good here either... Maybe I will be picking up HL2 this week...

3.) Nintendo doesn't want you to share "friend codes" over Nintendo WI-FI Connection services... No reason just that they don't endorse this...?

4.) Sony to keep the boomerang of a PS3 controller... WHY?!?

5.) New Zelda title boasts 100+ hours of gameplay... I'm thinking that number is inflated somewhat or you'll be doing a shitload of sailing again...

6.) In even more Nintendo news: the DS is getting a cosmetic change... I CAN'T WAIT, as I will probably buy one soon there after. Hopefully it looks better so I don't have to buy the original...

7.) Shigeru Miyamoto turned 53 on Wed. the 16th, and he's still the man!!!

8.) Kojima recently stated that MGS4 could be done on the X360 and the PS3 cult gasps in total and utter disbelief... My prediction: PS3 = X360. The only problem Kojima purportedly admitted that his team at Konami may not be able to get Snake's mustache to run at a solid 30 FPS...

wouldn't it be sweet...

2005-11-17T19:59:00.000-05:00

Huge deathmatch featuring 4 different factions:

1.) The Ninja: Long lineage of ancestors who meticuously studies and practices the art of stealthy killing...
-Pwr: 7
-Spd: 10
-Int: 8
-Chr: 9
-Con: 3
-Special "Edge": Use of melee weapons (bowstaff, katana, "chuks") ; Element of stealth, Look Bad-ass...

2.) The Pirate: Scouring the Seven Seas chasing loot and looking to plunder and pillage everything in sight (even the ladies...).
-Pwr:7
-Spd: 7
-Int: 3
-Chr: 1
-Con: 7
-Special "Edge": When you lose teeth, appendages and wear an eye patch, you don't give a "F". Year 2k variation has RPGs and inflatable motored boats.

3.) The Zombie: Walking the scorned earth looking for brains to eat and other zombies to congregate with... strength in numbers... expendable...
-Pwr: 9
-Spd: 2
-Int: 1
-Chr: variable
-Con: 10
-Special "Edge": Almost totally impervious to anything but destruction of the brain and coming in many varieties (including pirates AND ninjas)... +1 bonus to Pwr., Spd., and possibly Con. if the situation dictates (naked zombie!!!) (when in groups of 3 or more...)

4.) The Robot: "Early day" robots with "InEeDmYmAkErToFiNiShMe" syndrome walking around ripping humans limb from limb for revenge. Every community has them, your local cops failed at stopping it and the military's last resort might be "the nuke"...
-Pwr: 10
-Spd: 1
-Int: 10
-Chr: variable
-Con: 11
-Special "Edge": Upgradeable (Lazers, Extra Arms, more RAM). Indestructible.

WHO WINS?

EA's "Curse of Madden"...

2005-11-17T15:35:00.000-05:00

It has been decided, if you are the star on the cover of Madden, your days are numbered... It all started in the year 2001...

2001: Gracing the cover of 2000, Super Bowl star Eddie George then lead to have the worst season he has ever had with an average of 3.0 yards a carry and thus "ending" his career...

2002: Daunte Culpepper had a season ending knee injury...

2003: Marshall Faulk missed six games and the Ram's where quickly defeated in the playoffs...

2004: Michael Vick didn't even really begin the season by breaking his leg in a pre-season scrimmage...

2005: "Ray-Ray" Lewis still did his thing, ironically, spiting the pressuring "Curse of Madden". But then again his team still did their thing...lose...

2006: Doctors just recently recommended that Donovan McNabb undergo surgery for a sports hernia that happened at the first few weeks of the regular season...

Dark Horse: Book of the Dead

2005-11-17T14:01:00.000-05:00

I just finished the Book of the Dead by Dark Horse Comics. Headed by Mike Mignola (creator of Hellboy), the book features 10 short stories that depict ghastly situations. These vary from a Hellboy short with Shakespearean themes to traditional Japanese love stories with the zombie making an appearance their timely appearance. Every short story is written and drawn by three to four different people and ARE ALL COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! Some feature "realistic" situations while some are strictly comedy, but everyone does the same thing well... attention to detail. All the stories are exceptional with my favorite being the Shakleton-esque Expedition, The Wallace Expedition. Once again, dimiss the cheesiness stereotype with comics and realize this is credible reading material as well as being very artistic... Anyone who is even remotely turned on by horror stories (comic-style) should immediately check this out!

DISCLAIMER: POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT BELOW!

Short Stories:

1.) "The Hungry Ghosts": Ghosts hunting an ...old woodsman...

2.) "The Ghoul - A Hellboy Adventure": As the name implies... a Hellboy Adventure.

3.) "Old Garfield's Heart": Did not finish (all text, but will finish now because it has to be excellent given the rest of the content in the book)

4.) "The Ditch": Roadkill has a perspective too!

5.) "Death Boy": Hilarious "actual comic" where Death gives up the "touch of death"

6.) "The Wallace Expedition": My favorite of the bunch:

7.) "Queen of Darkness": "Cute" comic that features a bad-ass demon slayer looking for something he lost in his past...

8.) "Kago No Tori": Traditional, feudal Japanese love story featuring swordsmen and a creepy climax...

9.) "The Magicians - A Devil's Footprints Story": Devil Worshippers have family problems too!

10.) "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie": A story from a "DOG'S world" from a dog's perspective involving witchcraft! MUST READ FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE DOGS AND CATS!

Greatest Games of All Time: MoonWalker

2005-11-17T00:42:00.000-05:00

This was a Michael Jackson game that loosely followed the movie of the same title. Actually there were 2 versions, an arcade and a Genesis version. Both games were awesome in their own perspective.

The acrade was a 3/4 isometric view that was exactly like a "next-gen" "Golden Axe" type game but featured MJ. In the arcade game you go through beating up badguys with your/his "magic" powers and rescue (*gasp*) orphan kids (EW!). After receiving enough power-ups (via MJ's monkey "pet/friend", "Bubbles"), you can morph into Cyborg Michael!!!11! GO MIKE!

The Genesis version was one game I did not obtain when I had a Genesis. The graphics were decent in a Shinobi kind of way... The audio... well, it was all pretty much the Michael Jackson Anthology, not a bad thing at all... 2 things stand out at me when I think back upon it... You could pull off a special move where everyone (including the staple henchmen and even zombies) would start dancing with Michael, do a little number, and then mysteriously just die... The 2nd thing that stood out... Oh yea, the zombies...

(arcade): Time for that ass-kicking...

(Genesis): Sweet Fucking Cover!

BOOYAKASHA: 8.3

Greatest Games of All Time: Blaster Master

2005-11-16T23:21:00.000-05:00

Usually when you mention exploration games from days past, people mention Castlevania, Metroid, Kid Icarus, Zelda... A diamond in the rough was released by Sunsoft in 1988. Featuring a kid (named JASON [OMG!!!11!]) and his tank, Sophia the 3rd Nora MA-01 (check the pause menu bitch!) This game made an impression on me because it features heavy backtracking and enormous areas (forest to caverns and more...). Also making an appearance was the RPG elements throughout the game. The large regions were made "larger in scale due to the fact that you could jump out of your tank, and your character was very miniature on the screen. Almost bean shape in appearance, you could shoot, jump, climb your way almost anywhere without your vehicle and thus becoming extemely vulnerable. Enemies taking damage from the tank usually take 2-3 hits, but when you are out of it, they take upwards to 10 hits. Plus when you go in various caves the gameply makes a drastic change to an overhead 2D perspective. You can shoot and throw grenades (no jumping, sadly) in a ... ...Halo 2 fashion!?! But what happens when you get too far away and lost in the action? There would be times, I recollect, that I would be so far from the vehicle you would have to traverse back to it and almost dying several times from various plights (FALLING DAMAGE!). Exploration is key as your "tank" can jump, climb, and keep it's tractions on walls and shoot in a forward or upper positioning. It's the kind of game where you can see the power-up but can't get to it and say, "I'll be back for you!" You also dredge caves as the "bean", the tank functions under water, there really isn't too many places you can't go. To sum up the graphics just imagine Metroid, Castlevania, with a hint of a almost Rygar-esque color scheme. The audio is actually heralded for being some of the best on the NES. Definitely a game to be ... ...emulated after...? The funniest thing is one day while scouring through bargin bins I found a copy... for the Playstation. I don't think it was remade well as I would of heard of it.

I was gonna give this a 8.6 but since I made a Halo reference in the description of this game about 124 words or so ago I'm going to inflate the score...

"Bumpy, oh how I love you so..."

"NOOOOOO!!!!!"

"What will I do without Bumpy?"

"How will I live?"

"How do I go on?"

BOOYAKASHA: 8.9

You're not the same... You're changed...

2005-11-16T18:09:00.000-05:00

I've been out of the loop recently in Pittsburgh... I was recently informed that 96.9FM is no longer in commission... WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! I had no idea this was happening... NO FINAL GOODBYE?!?! For those of you who don't know, 96.9FM was a classic rock radio station here in Pittsburgh. I have been listening to it solidly for the last 7-10 years. This song was my "IPOD" of classic rock. There have been many drive homes after work when I was in my "mood", rocking the FUCK OUT! This was my source of random songs from the likes of PINK FLOYD, the BEATLES, BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, STEVE MILLER, FLEETWOOD MAC!! It is very depressing to know that my "playlist" is now gone for good...

...Me, being the dumbass that I am, turned to 96.9FM today on my drive home to be presented with Nirvana. I like Nirvana (pearljamisbetter), but I had a taste in my mouth for something else... Two songs after Nirvana, Teddy "P."!?! How the "F" does Pendergrass play within 10 minutes of Nirvana? That is a extremely discombobulated playlist...

...So I popped in Binaural... Ahh... Binaural... This was a cd that gave me a dirty look everytime I looked through my CDs for one to play. It gave me a nasty glance because we both know that we've shared intimate times together but after a long time, I stopped... just like that. It was a very whorish CD and did what I said, when I said... I just HIT it and QUITTED it... But like any good CD, played when I beckoned... although it tried to skip on me a few times... Ahh... Binaural... My Love... forever... and never...